Twas the night before Christmas, and all through the house
Not a creature was stirring not even a mouse.
It was my first Eve, first Nativity day
With a tree in our house with which I could not play.
It had colorful balls, shiny, blue, green and red,
That my mom called “off limits,” or I would be dead.
The base of the tree smelled of pine and outdoors.
But no marking the base, presents, branches or floors.
“Your leg better stay down, ’round the tree, Opie dear”
If it goes up, I’m sure you’ll have much to fear”
So, ignoring the tree, I curled up in my bed.
And visions of poultry danced round in my head.
I was dreaming of chicken and turkey and beef
When suddenly I heard sounds much like a thief.
Low growl in my throat, tail straight as an arrow,
I licked my chops, and thought, “Go straight for his marrow!”
I jumped off of our bed quick, nails hitting the floor
And then padded softly to peek through the door.
But what to my “wonderous” eyes should appear,
But a fat bearded guy sporting GI-NORMOUS rear.
He was pulling out presents from out of his pack,
And filling up stockings mom’d hung on a rack!
He had gaily wrapped Wii games and Nintendo stuff.
It was all for my boys so I couldn’t be gruff.
It was Santa who mom said would come on this night
To bring presents and gifts to be opened first light.
He wore a great big fur suit just like Mama Said,
I’m a color blind dog, but I’ll bet it was red.
He had a white beard, looked like squirrel tails to me.
He scratched at the thing – Oh, poor guy has a flea!
He turned from the tree and he beckoned to me.
I padded right over and he knelt on his knee.
He smelled just like chicken, beef and nut butter,
And as I got closer my heart started to flutter.
He had something to give me that smelled just delicious
And I knew that he’d read each and all of my wishes.
I tore off the wrapping and whined with great glee.
It was a fluffy squirrel toy made especially for me.
Old Santa then gave me a gentle head pat,
Then he scratched at my neck till I started to mat.
He drank milk and ate cookies that my boys had left.
I could see right away why he had so much heft.
He patted the couch and turned on the tube.
And then watched the game DVR’d for this Dude.
He split the last cookie with me in the end.
And I knew that I’d count him forever a friend.
With a belch of delight, he turned off the game,
Rose to full height then did what gave him fame.
He lay his gnarled finger on the side of his nose,
Yuck, I thought, but then up the chimney he rose.
I heard a big racket go on, on our roof.
As I looked out the windows, I saw a big hoof
And well reined up beasts with big antlers — bells ringing.
Next Christmas I knew I would have all of the meaning
Why people on Christmas are especially great
Because the Spirit of Giving is the best ghost to date.
So good night Old Santa! Keep going on with your chores
And know that the welcome at our house forever is yours.
Next Christmas could I have one of Blitzen’s Antlers?