After a Hard Night of Barking at Shadows…
After a Hard Night of Barking at Shadows…
When the boys are shooting aliens
The best place to be is under the coffee table!
But sometimes I have funny dreams.
I am in the middle of a battlefield or….
Just call me Master Chief!
Three Haikus on Blue Donuts and Soothing Baths
Blue donut collar
Hides my itchy bump from me.
When will all this stop?
A bath brings freedom.
Warm water soothes itchy bump.
Donut’s cast aside.
Blown dry silky smooth fur!
Oh No, the donut returns.
Freedom is short lived.
Ode to the Blue Donut
If you weren’t around my neck, I’d use you as a toy.
I’d chew and pound and roll on you and earn a strong “Good Boy!”
If you were free from my poor neck, I’d drag you to my crate,
I’d hide you with my bones and sticks until a later date.
But you are wrapped around my neck, linked firmly to my collar.
Your bulbous shape defeats my lick and makes me want to holler!
You’re with me in my waking hours and when I go to pee.
I dream of tearing you to shreds then licking at my knee.
One day I will be free of you, you blue inflated neck brace.
The squirrels no longer will be free to laugh right into my face.
I know you’re something that I need. I am resigned to it.
That doesn’t mean that I don’t wish you thrown into a pit.
That hope springs eternal is an often quoted phrase,
I hang my wishes on that line that freedom comes in days.
Every dog I ever had slept either all curled up nose to tail, stretched out snout on paws, or laid out on his side, paws parallel, like an outline of a dog. I have never had a dog that slept on his back. I mean lying full on his spine with his legs splayed out, and his paws draped in a begging position. Opie is a very odd fellow, indeed. Michael says he looks dead! When I first saw him sleep like this, I’ll admit that I did look to make certain his chest was rising and falling in a normal manner. He doesn’t stay in this position, but he stays that way for a good 10-15 minutes of sleep and then moves to a more traditional side sleeping position.
Why does my dog sleep like this? Is it comfortable?
My grandmother had three Pekingese dogs when I was growing up. They lay briefly on their backs for belly rubs, but no more than a minute or two. They didn’t sleep like that. My poodle Zsa Zsa was no exception. Prince I and Prince II — the german shepherds — exposed their bellies only for belly rubs. No prolonged belly exposures for them! They all slept in a more normal doggy fashion.
I’ve been wondering why Opie does this. I read somewhere that dogs cool themselves when they lay on their bellies and splay out their feet. The ground is cool, and they can get some immediate relief from the heat. Has Opie struck upon an alternative method of doggy air conditioning? Right now, in L.A. the weather is cool. We live near the ocean and the breezes are always cool. Don’t hate us! It’s jacket or sweater weather in the morning and early evening. Maybe Opie likes the ocean breezes on his little doggy tummy. I wouldn’t be surprised. We’ve been dealing with doggy tummy issues for several days now. Perhaps, he needs a cooled off tummy.
I did a tiny bit of internet research on this issue. Looks like the air conditioning theory is sound. But one other looks promising too. Dogs, like people, have different phases of sleep. Just like humans , to reach that deepest REM sleep, dogs and people must be completely relaxed. When a dog sleeps on his back all of his muscles are relaxed. Nothing is tensed. The dream state is a sure sign of pure relaxation.
While Opie slept on his back last night, we all observed him paw the air, sniff some imaginary item, move his little mouth back and forth and even make a tiny “woof!” No doubt about it! He was dreaming! He was completely relaxed. Evidently, according to the internet dog experts, Opie is not all that unique. Indeed, his back sleeping is a sure sign of his comfort with the family. He is sleeping with his belly exposed. He doesn’t feel any anxiety. Researchers say that dogs living in the wild never sleep on their backs because they are always in danger from a predator. Obviously, Opie knows he’s not prey in this family, but those socks and sandals better watch out!
Some writers say that this position is also a submission position, that he’s acknowledging his low position in the household. We love Opie, but he is the low man on the totem pole. I’ll give Cesar Milan credit from instilling the pack leader mentality into most of the humans in the house. We have to be dominant. We know that. Opie’s a plucky little guy and has already demonstrated that he’ll take over the whole shebang if we let him. It’s not surprising that he demonstrates this status. However, we are not entirely sold on this submission idea.
Most of the reading refers to the submission positions as something the dog consciously does. To show submission a dog might raises one paw or flop down and turn his belly up to the dominant humans or dogs around. I saw this behavior last week at the dog park. A tiny little miniature poodlish Chihuahauish sort of dog flipped himself over and allowed a bunch of bigger dogs, Opie included, to sniff his soft underbelly. I could read the thought bubble over this dog’s head. ” I’m submissive. You guys are the bosses, Please don’t eat me!” That dog and every other dog I saw demonstrate similar behavior was wide awake. I don’t think that Opie’s back sleeping is a true submission position. He’s not doing it consciously or in response to us. He’s asleep. The experts may disagree with me. That’s okay. I’m no expert, but it doesn’t seem the same.
When he flops down for a belly rub, he may be acknowledging his low man status in our pack, but I think he may really just want his belly rubbed. I think he’s begging for “lovin'” We supply it! So, who’s dominant now? The dog demanding a belly rub or the humans supplying them?
I tend to believe that Opie has acclimated himself to us. He’s good and comfortable with his belly exposure. He’s safe and happy and relaxed. It’s so cool to see him resting so peacefully. We tip toe around him when he’s sleeping like this. His puppy dreams are fun to watch. No need to disturb him. After all we should “Let Sleeping Dogs Lie.”
Hello Fellow Doggers,
What follows is my manifesto for Doggy Freedom. Today is the day for all of us to throw off our collars and take over.
Last night, I revealed myself to my family, my true self. I spoke and I don’t mean in our secret “bark” language, but I spoke in English to my Mom. I must admit her reaction was surprising. She was in the process of sitting in her chair and somehow missed it and fell flat on her posterior. I walked over to her to make certain she hadn’t hurt herself.
“Mama, are you okay?” I queried. Her mouth was open and she was making strange gulping sounds.
“Opie, did you just talk?”
“Yes, I did. Are you okay?”
Alerted by the huge boom Mama made when she hit the floor, the rest of the family came in. I wanted to put them at ease and so I informed them that Mom seemed to be okay, but had lost her ability for speech temporarily.
Michael and Greg had their mouths hanging open. Only Dad seemed to be unperturbed.
“Opie, I take it that she fell down when you started talking.” He said.
“Yes, Dad, that’s exactly it.” I affirmed.
“Not surprising, it’s a bit of a shock to discover that the family pet can speak. Oh and speak well!” He chuckled.
I must admit I blushed a bit at this.
“Oh Pshaw” I said.
The boys had not uttered a sound.
“Well, I’ve got a teleconference. You guys try not to make so much noise okay.” Dad said, and with that he turned around and went back into his office. I heard him immediately get on his speaker phone and jump into the conversation with his colleagues.
“Well, Mom. Are you okay to drive? I have some errands I’d like to run with you. Oh and I won’t need a leash. I’m not running off anywhere.”
Mama got up from the floor, still in a state of shock. I looked up at her.
“Opie are you going to probe me or anything,” she asked shakily.
“Probe — Oh, No Mom I’m not an alien. Gosh I can’t imagine that you really believe in that malarkey! Alien!” I snorted. “No, I’m just an earth bound dog. We dogs are all native to earth. We just have kept the talking thing down to a minimum. I’ve decided that it’s time that we changed a few things around here and the only way that was going to happen was if you really understood me.” I licked her hand a little.
At this point Mom seemed to be more herself. I think she understood that I was still her Opie — Her number one Poochie woochie!
Mama and I had a wonderful time on our errands.
Mama and I went to the pet store where she bought me these wonderful duck treats. I saw some interesting stuffed squirrels, but I had bigger burgers to broil! We went to the supermarket where I directed her to buy me several pounds of hamburger, chicken, pork sausage and a really super big container of peanut butter. We almost had some trouble at the market. I’m not a service dog and so they didn’t want to allow me in. However, once I explained everything to the supermarket manager he didn’t really have much of an argument against it. When I left, the box boy was throwing some water on his face. He seemed to be coming around.
Our next trip was for Mama. We picked up Michael and Gregory and went to the wicked witch’s house. This is the lady that yelled at Michael and me once because I was pooping on their lawn. She really shouldn’t yell at other people’s children when their Mamas are standing right there. It creates bad blood. Mama seemed to almost skip up the sidewalk to her house. Mama is generally not a fast walker, but she was really moving up the walk way to the house.
She knocked on the door. The witch answered. Mama just told me to tell her what I thought of her actions that long ago day back in the summer.
Well, I informed her that I thought it was uncalled for to be so harsh with my 8 year old brother. We had no idea she had felt the way she did about her lawn. We had bags to pick up my little work product. I told her that calm quiet communication is what we had hoped for. I told her that now that we understood her abhorrence of canine product that I would definitely continue to a different yard and instruct my cohorts to do the same. I further told her that I hoped that this would patch things up between her and my mom and that we could continue now on as good neighbors. I looked up at Mama to see how she felt about my little speech. She seemed to be grinning from ear to ear. Michael had developed a case of the giggles. Gregory was recording the whole thing on his phone. The wicked witch however seemed to have paled considerably. She was making that fish sound and then suddenly her eyes rolled up to the back of her head and BOOM. She fainted. I’m not certain she took my speech as well as I’d hoped. Mama seemed to be quite pleased with me though. After reviving the old lady with some “medicinal brandy” Mom found on the coffee table, we headed home. On the way, Mom sang this funny Ding- Dong song and did all sorts of dancing.
“Now isn’t this better mom. I don’t need a leash! You can dance home and I’m not going anywhere but with you!” I said.
“Opie my dear – you said a mouthful!” She grinned and picked me up and kissed me right on my nose. I love it when she does that!
Anyway, Doggers it was a good day. I urge you to reveal your true selves to your families. After the initial shock, you’ll be surprised at how well your hu-parents take it.
Well, got to run now Doggers! Dad’s calling a family meeting. He says my revelation has inspired him to make some revelations of his own.
I wonder what that funny green glow is coming out from his office door. Oh My Dog! Dad seems to be pulling his own head off and now he looks kind of like a……
Okay, I get it now. It’s not a dog park! These guys play this game on the field. Looks like game of fetch and tug to me!
Mama and the boys and Grandma and Grandpa are going to watch the game!
I fully expect there to be lots of yelling.
I also expect to get a lot of scraps.
I realize that the Super Bowl is NOT this!
I was hoping it would be this, but that’s okay!
I know what it will be.
Mama and Daddy and everybody eating stuff and….
Dropping it on the floor!!!!
And then I’ll STRIKE!!!
That’s why they call me Wolf Dog!
Happy Super Dog Blog Hop!
My Mama and Daddy have been obsessed with the magic screen lately. They’ve been watching these guys in motorcycle helmets run around on a green yard chasing a brown chew toy for hours today. I’ve spent most of the time in Daddy’s lap, but he’s been rather uncomfortable to sit with. He keeps yelling and hopping up and down. On the upside, I managed a few stolen Doritos. Daddy is really happy with this Green packing team that just won. He jumped up and the Doritos hit the floor. Call me Opie the Opportunistic!
I asked Mama what these Green Packers pack. Mama says they pack the football across the field and make touch downs. Mama also says that the name comes from the meat packing company that sponsored their uniforms when they first began. MEAT PACKING! Well these are my kind of people! I’m kind of excited that the Meat packers are going to a Super Bowl. This sounds exciting! I wish I could go. I’d like to get some of that cheese that I see people wearing at the game. Meat and Cheese! A dog’s dream! (See my friend getting a taste of the hat! I wish I could get me some of that!) However, I’m generally not too happy with this obsession with the magic box. They should focus on me, not those silly humans.
To be fair, I can see the fascination with the big cheese hats. That usually catches my attention, but the guys running round and landing on each other. Well, it looks like a dog pile to me. You be the judge. Here’s a puppy pile I found on the internet.
The second picture is a Green Bay Packers pile. Which one do you think is cuter?
It’s obvious to me. Now if the Green Bay Packers brought some of their meat to the pile and maybe some cheese too, I think they would definitely be the more attractive pile. I’ve decided that the brown chew toy they play with is a meat ball. Now I would chase that. I probably wouldn’t share it though. I’m just being honest. I’d be at the bottom of the pile with my teeth firmly in it.
Anyhow, we’ll see how this Super Bowl thing goes in a few days. I have some thoughts on that too. I hope the Green guys bring a lot of meat and cheese. Mama says that it will wall to wall people. Well, with all that cheese and meat, it could be wall to wall doggies too!
Truly the only saving grace to my parents’ football obsession is the snacks. I’ve stolen a lot of Doritos today!
Come to think of it… maybe it’s not such a bad obsession after all.
Mom let me write this posting! I wanted to complain about my collar.
I ‘m tired of it. I wear it all the time and it’s noisy!
When I was at the shelter, I didn’t have one. Then the lady from the rescue came and got me she put a collar on me that had this dangly thing on it.
When my mom got me from the rescue lady, she and the boys took me to a big pet store. Gregory and Michael, my human big brothers, picked out a pretty blue collar for me that had waves on it. I don’t know what waves are but that’s what they said it was. It was a Martingale like the black one I had on. They changed my collar right there in the pet store. That day I also got another tag to add to the other one. I was very jingly like Christmas bells.
For a while I really liked that collar. But, I got tired of having it on all the time. I jingled every time I moved.
Scratch my ear. Jingle, jingle! Sit up. Jingle, jingle! Lick my parts. Jingle, jingle.
Dad said I was too noisy so he took the rings off the tags and put all of them on one ring. That made things a little better, but then my license came in the mail. Dad added a THIRD tag to the ring. Mom bought some of those rubber things you can put around the tags and keep them from making a lot of noise. It was very chewy. Mom had to dig it out of my mouth.
Collar too loose
Then Dad said my collar was too loose. He tightened it but it was still really, really loose. I hoped he wouldn’t notice, but he notices everything. He’s the one that picks the stickers out of my chin and pulls stuff out of my paws when I can’t quite get it.
A few days ago Mom got me another collar. She tried to get a smaller blue one like the one the boys picked out. But they were out of them. My new collar is smaller and it’s red with a funny design on it.
I don’t’ think mom likes it though. She says it’s too thin and she’s always rubbing the edges trying to make duller. She’s not happy about how short my hair has gotten right around the edge.
Why do I need a collar at all?
Actually, I don’t see why I need a collar at all. I asked mom and we had a talk about it.
Conversation with Mom as translated from the original Snorkie
Mom: Opie, did you knock the screen out of the bedroom window the other day trying to get that grey cat?”
Me: Well, yes Mama. That cat doesn’t belong in our backyard, and she poops under the swing set and that’s gross and…
Mom: Did you bark at the gas man when he came through the backyard to read the meter?
Me: Yes, and he doesn’t belong in our backyard either. He’s ..
Mom: Opie, did the gas man leave the fence gate open when he came in?
Me: Yes, he did, the ….
Mom: And what would you have done if I hadn’t closed the window?
Me: Jumped out and chased him all the way out of the yard.
“I should mention that I realized that I was about to lose the argument here so I started licking my parts and pretending I wasn’t listening. My human brothers look out the window or play with their game boys when the lecture starts. I don’t have thumbs so I have to make do.”
Mom: Now, Opie, you know we don’t want you to get lost, right? We do our best to keep you safe in the house. We take you off leash in the house and at the dog park and in our backyard. We never take the collar off, because it’s got all your information on it. If you ever got out of the yard and got loss, someone could read your tags and know who you belong to. It’s got all our information on it and if for some reason we didn’t get to you quickly, Randee’s information from Lhasa Home rescue is on it too. You have to have your Culver City License because if animal control gets you before any of us, then they will take you to Culver City’s No Kill shelter.
Do you understand why you have to wear the collar now?
Me: Well why do I need it in the house?
Mom: Are you going to stop jumping out the window and knocking the screen out?
Me: (Lick, lick, lick) Wait! What about the microchip? Hasn’t that got everything on it too.
Mom: Yes, it does little Doggins, but how do we know that whoever gets you will have the little doohickey necessary to read the microchip. The tags are a great back up.
Me: Oh all right.
Mom could tell I was disappointed about not taking off my collar. She gave me an extra long tummy rub and played a long time with me and Hedgie. Later, I got a little piece of breakfast ham too!
I guess I’ll have to endure it. Mom says that if she may buy me a new collar soon. She doesn’t like the red one very much. Oh well, she says it’s this or doggie outfits. She said something about having to indulge her desire to dress me up. What does that mean?
Smell you later,
Your friend Opie