Tag Archives: dog family humor

Boys in the Doghouse

Mama says it’s Murphy’s Law that anything that can go wrong will. Regarding us kids (fur and human), she says there is a corollary that says that if there is a big holiday coming up where good behavior is necessary and a good parental mood is a boon, the kids will misbehave in some way.

Yes, Fellow Doggers, that’s what, happened to me and my hu-brothers.

Here we are the day before Fathers Day. Mama has planned to make Daddy’s favorite breakfast, and we’re already gearing up for some really great Alpha dog favorite activities that everyone is going to love and well… we all messed up. … The good thing is that we did it before noon. This means we have the a good portion of the day left to make it up to Mama and Daddy (if I ever get out of this crate.)

What did we do?

It was all the same kind of thing really. We all got an “attitude”. I don’t really know what that means fellow doggers. Maybe your hu-moms and dads can explain it better than I can. I’ll just tell you what we did.

Let’s start with my big brother! Let me just say first that he’s a teenager.

What did he do? Well, he “sassed” Mama one too many times. How many is too many? Once is enough if Mama’s in a bad mood and she’s in one because of the “sass” the previous day. So, he got a big lecture about “attitude” and “long summer” and “lots to lose”… I didn’t’ pick up all of it. Mama was talking kind of fast.

Now my little brother — What did he do?

He was “provoking” – this is something that happens often. Usually, he provokes my big brother and there’s a little tussle. Then, Mama yells at both of them. This time it was me he provoked.

Now on to me – the prisoner.

I was sitting on the couch as usual keeping watch over my street. (It is mine; no one is allowed to walk on it and especially not on the family side of the street! By the way, when I mean no one, I mean no cats, dogs, humans, birds, squirrels, skunks, raccoons, or other vermin and especially no mail carriers!)

Somebody walked by and I was barking at them, issuing my usual threats. Michael decided that I shouldn’t do that, so he grabbed me. I wasn’t expecting him to grab me, so I growled and snapped at him. I didn’t get him. I just let him know I had teeth.

Mama heard me from the back bedroom and asked what happened. Michael told on me. (To be fair he left nothing out.) She called me “naughty dog.” She said that I am never to growl and snap at her puppies – ever. Then she told me to go to my crate for a time out. I’m not dummy. Mama was really mad ( Still in a bad mood from my older brother!) so I went into the crate with my tail tucked beneath my legs. Mama called me a good boy for doing that but said I needed some quiet time to myself. Then she closed the crate up.

At least Michael got a talking to about grabbing me when I’m in my territorial mode. She told him that I’m not supposed to growl and snap at him, but he’s not supposed to do things to make me growl and snap.

Provoking doesn’t get anyone off the hook with Mama. The provoker gets in the trouble and the sucker victim poor innocent provokee gets in trouble for succumbing to the provocation. Everybody loses. I suppose the lesson is that even if you’re provoked, that’s no excuse. I get it, but I’m not happy about it.

Michael and I are both pouting a little.

I can already see that Mama’s “mad face” going away. My older brother apologized and kissed her on the cheek. My younger brother said he was sorry immediately. He’s already quietly enjoying a movie on Netflix while I’m still in the “dog house.”

Hopefully, I’ll be out of this crate in time for all the cool Fathers Day stuff we do tomorrow.

Wish me luck fellow doggers!

Your Pal

Opie, inmate 23157

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Typical Sunday Afternoon with Dad – The Alpha

Hey fellow Doggers,

They say a picture is worth a thousand words. Well, I thought in anticipation of Fathers Day I’d share what a typical Sunday afternoon is like with my Dad.

First, Dad looks for interesting bits in the paper that I might find stimulating.

I do enjoy the Calendar section!

Dad loves it that I enjoy reading the paper with him. He gives me a little ear pet in my favorite spot!

Don’t hate me because I am so, so lucky to have such a wonderful Dad!

 I also like to read the L.A. Extra section. There was an interesting photo on this page that caught my attention.

Newspapers have many uses fellow doggers. Reading is a very useful skill. Last week I found a coupon for my favorite treats! Not that I’m a great couponer, but occasionally, there is treasure in the newsprint, and I’m not talking about “puppy landmines”.

Dad is really engrossed in his reading, but he never forgets the important thing… to pet me!

He’s the one who is always concerned about whether I’ve been fed and not just because I tend to beg request treats from him at his end of the dining room table.

This is so relaxing! I get a little sleepy. This is a wonderful doggy massage. All my squirrel chasing tensions are easing away. Dad, you could charge money for this!

Hmmm. So relaxing…….. No,  don’t stop!

But then I hear something outside and smell something cooking in the kitchen. That wakes me right up!

 Just for a moment and then

Boom… I’m down… eventually Mama stops clicking the camera and I get a good nap. Daddy turns the paper pages very gently so he doesn’t disturb me.

He is truly an Alpha among humans.

 Every day should be Fathers Day at my house! Happy Early Fathers Day Dad!

You rock!

Love Opie


Not the least bit Wordless Wednesday — Australian Artifacts and New York City Blues and other Doggy complaints

Hi Fellow Doggers,

I know it’s been a really long time between blogs. I do apologize for that. I’ve been such a busy doggy – sleeping, eating, walking, pooping, barking, running, playing, chewing, barking, barking, barking. Uh well, I did do a lot of barking lately. No reason, just cuz!

I have to say I’ve been getting lots of pets and cuddles, so I haven’t had a lot of time to dictate my blog to Mom. When Gregory returned from Australia, he was as glad to see me as I was to see him!


Anyway, he brought back a lot of interesting things that I’ve tried to get my teeth into more than once.

This thing is a didgeridoo.


Gregory makes a funny noise from it. I don’t like that noise at all. I ran all the way out of the room when he blew through it. Now I won’t go near it. He says that this is just a small one, that there are bigger ones. The sound that comes out of  this thing makes my fur crawl! A bigger one might make me bite someone. ( Namely, the person blowing the didgeridoo!)

It looks like a fancy bully stick , but it’s not to my taste!

This other thing is called a boomerang.


Gregory says that if you throw it far enough, it comes back to you. He hasn’t thrown it yet. Mom says our yard is too small, and it looks like it might take someone’s head off. Seriously, what good is a stick that will come back to you? Granted, I’m not that great at “Fetch,” but I resent this “Fetch” shortcut. What next – virtual walks? Hmm, I’m not too sure about this thing. I think I’ll chew it down to a nub once I get my teeth into it. It hasn’t made any odd sounds, so it’s fair game!


Gregory does have some interesting artifacts from Australia, but I think the best thing he brought home was himself.


It’s pure misery when I’m missing a member of my pack. It’s almost as bad as when they all run off on “vacation” and leave me at Doggie Central.

Which they did almost as soon as Gregory got back!

I hate Spring Break! Why does everyone think this is a good thing? I mean the term has “BREAK” in it for dog’s sake! Mom, Dad, Gregory and Michael went off to New York City for Spring Break.

I asked Mom really nicely if I could go too, but she said that I would hate the plane ride. I’m too big to fit in a carrier under the seat, and even if I scrunched myself down I’d be miserable and stressed out. She says I’d bite the flight attendants’ ankles.  I’d probably get the whole family  put on the “no fly” list.

Nothing she said convinced me that my going on a plane was a bad thing!

Anyway, they were gone for a whole week, which meant I was at Doggie Central for a whole week! Don’t get me wrong. I like the folks at Doggie Central. They’re nice, and I usually get along with all the other doggies incarcerated boarded there. However, it is NOT home. And even worse, I have to have a bath before Mama liberates picks me up .

Now of course, we are entering the season of summer vacation. I’m a little worried that I might get a “summer cut” like last summer.

Remember this!


I don’t mind a trim, but come on. Don’t I look a little naked?

I kind of needed that t- shirt Mom put on me.

I think my pack may take another trip this summer, but I’m going to lobby for a car trip and someplace I can go too, or maybe not at all!

I think Mom might be weakening on this issue. She took lots of pictures of dogs in New York and says that it was clear that New York is a very doggy friendly place. They even have bronze sculptures of doggy poo in their famous art museums.  If that isn’t dog friendly, I don’t know what is. 

 
Mom says that I would have loved a walk in Central Park. She’s right? I would have, but I don’t need a big fancy park. I just need my family, my neighborhood and my backyard to have an excellent time.

Please do me a favor, fellow doggers!

Please ask Mama to either take me on the next trip or stay home with me.

I really hate it when they leave.

See, here’s my sad face.


Think it’ll work on her? No — Don’t answer that!

Well, I hear her coming with my leash fellow doggers.

Gotta walk!

Smell you later!

Your pal,

Opie


Opie Gives Voice to His Happiness!


Opie – International Verminator!

Hi fellow Doggers,

My fur brother is going off to Australia for a week. I’m going to miss him horribly.


Worse yet, I think they’ve made a horrible mistake in not letting me go with him.

I did some internet research and they have some pretty strange animals down there in “Oz”. They all seem to be some form of vermin. As you know, as a Snorkie, I hate vermin everywhere, especially international vermin. Obviously, I need to go to “Oz” to guard my hu-brother and whittle down their “squirrelishy” vermin population.

Here are some of the squirrelish creatures that my Gregory may encounter. I hope that he’s prepared.  This vermin looks quite interesting to chase, bark at and sink my teeth into.

This giant squirrel like thing appears to be some sort of double vermin.

If I got to chase it, I’d catch two for the effort of one.

That large tail looks like it might be quite fun to bite. Mama says it’s a Kangaroo. Hmm, I think it would rue the day that it met up with me!


Obviously, this grey thing clinging to the tree is some sort of tailless squirrel. I’m not happy about the size of its claws. However, it is certainly “barkworthy!” Mama says it’s a Koala bear, but it looks very “verminish” to me, not bearish at all. That nose looks like it needs my teeth in it. I’m actually pretty sure I saw something like this at the doggy toy store recently.


Undoubtedly, Australians have let their squirrels get completely out of hand. This one is missing his tail and seems to be horribly over fed. I believe there is a seriously low Snorkie population Down Under. More Snorkies equals less fat tailless squirrels. After I get through cleaning up their little continent, they might give me a medal, or at least some neat Australian treats. If it smells like meat, I’ll eat it. This is a wombat according to Mama. Well, watch out Mr. Wombat, it’s time for your wombat butt wompin’ Opie style!


This is some sort of demented looking cat. I have to say the feral cats in my neighborhood are far more handsome. This guy should be a piece of cake to deal with.  I’d make short work of it. Mama says that I shouldn’t even entertain the idea of tangling with this thing. She says it’s a Tasmanian Devil. She obviously hasn’t heard what the big dogs call me at the dog park — Opie the Terminator. When I get through with this devil it will be singing with the angels!


Now this thing looks really fun to chase. In fact, it looks kind of like a toy I already have. Those ears look like a lot of fun to chew on. I bet I can make it really, squeak.

Mama says that this is a Greater Bilby. Well, Bilby here has delusions of grandeur. I’d say he was definitely “lesser” and I’ll be the greater, probably the greatest Snorkie in the world. I just realized that I could gain International status as a Snorkie Verminator.

I hope Gregory is able to keep himself safe from these weird creatures without me to protect him. I am the official family security expert. I even have a uniform. It seems unwise to send him off to some strange place with strange animals without me his trusty snorkie to protect him.


What is Gregory going to do without me?

Actually, what am I going to do without Gregory?


I heard Daddy say he’ll only be gone for a week. 

 Well, fellow doggers you and I both know this “week” is really a a century in doggy time.  ( Sigh)

I think I’ll go sit with Mama.

She looks like she needs a lick and I know I could use  a pet.



Just say NO to HOME IMPROVEMENTS!

A Snorkie’s Rant!

Hi Fellow Doggers,

I have a bone to pick with my family! I don’t know what happened, but suddenly they’ve decided to embark on all these “home improvements.”


I know, you’re thinking, “Home improvements? What’s wrong with that?”

Well, keep reading and I’ll tell you.

Every one of these home improvements has led to some discomfort for me. AND I DON’T LIKE DISCOMFORT OF ANY SORT!

Let’s take home improvement #1 – The new roof

Back in September, my mom and dad decided that we needed a new roof on the house. Personally, I thought it was neat to find little pieces of wood shingles in the grass after a mild wind storm. More sticks for me to bury.

Mom figured that I might object to guys tramping around on the roof, tearing it off, hammering and climbing on ladders.


She thought I might not take well to that. So, off I went to the kennel.

If you’ve read any of my previous blog posts, you know that that was not a good thing for me.

My Bordadella shot didn’t work as well as it should have and I caught “Kennel Cough.” That was such a drag!


I had this nagging cough and I didn’t feel so hot. The up side was that I did have a lot of “Magic Cheese” for about 14 days. I also was “unenrolled” from my Obedience classes due to my contagious state.


I was really looking forward to getting my diploma.

I also picked up a rather itchy rash. Mom doesn’t think I got it at the kennel, but I’m pushing for a complete moratorium on doggy day cares so I’ll swear on a stack of “Dog Whisperers” that I caught it there. The rash necessitated another 14 days of “Magic Cheese”.

As you can see fellow doggers, if Mom and Dad had not fixed the roof, I would not have gone to doggy day care and ergo would not have contracted Kennel Cough! This in and of itself is sufficient evidence that home improvement is bad news for this Snorkie.

But there is more evidence to support my contention!

Home Improvement #2 – Painting the House


With the new roof it seemed only natural for mom and Dad to want to paint the house. Now personally, I thought the house was a becoming shade of “beigeish,” pinkish, grayish color. (Mom is reminding me that I’m color blind and should stop complaining.)

Well, fellow doggers, I thought that I had dodged the proverbial doggy day care bullet because I had such a short bout of wellness after my kennel cough. Remember after my kennel cough I got sick AGAIN. I had some mysterious stomach upset. I had hoped that Mom would have taken my illness into account and postponed the painting of the house, but no.

She muttered some folderol about getting the house painted by Thanksgiving. Anyway, there I was recuperating from the last bout of illness and here come these guys. They were scraping at the walls, the windows, sanding.


Worst of all, I was not allowed outside to bite them, and fellow doggers, they needed biting – especially the guy who was scraping paint off the front window – MY WINDOW!

Now I know you are as outraged as I am about the assault on MY WINDOW! However, this home improvement was even more horrific.

Just because I was running from room to room, barking my head off, scratching the shutters, trying to jump out the back door – generally showing those TRESPASSING PAINTERS WHO IS BOSS – I got….

CRATED!!!

Now you must understand, I know how to “go to crate” Mama trained me with duck sticks and other tasty treats to go there whenever she says to go. (Crate Training Blog Posts.)But guys, she hardly ever tells me to go to crate! I can stay at home alone uncrated. I use my crate primarily as a goodie stash! I don’t stay inside very long. I might have a nap in there if the boys are playing a loud video game but generally, I don’t hang out there.

I prefer a nice soft lap.

Mama moved my crate AWAY from MY Window and pulled it in the middle of the room behind the chair and covered up the side that faced the window with my doggy blanket. Occasionally, she let me out when the painters were working on other side of the house, but when they were on MY SIDE OF THE HOUSE. I got CRATED!!!

Do you now see why home improvements are NOT
a friend to dogs? I couldn’t care less that the house is now a deep golden color or that the old paint peeled double hung windows are now all crisp and white!

I’M COLOR BLIND!

Home improvement is not my friend and certainly not a friend to any dog that I can think of!

So let’s sum up.

Home improvements caused me to contract kennel cough, a rash and be crated IN MY OWN HOUSE!!!

I appeal to you fellow doggers

Tell your Mamas and Daddys to eschew Home Improvement!

Be content with your dilapidated roof, your ugly house color, your squeaky floor boards, your leaky bathtubs!

Keep doggies in the house!

Keep workmen OUT!!!

If that doesn’t work, point out that vet bills totally blow!

This has been another Snorkie rant!

Peace Out!

Opie



TRESPASSER!!!!!!!!

 

Fellow Doggers,

At 2AM this morning, my back yard was BREACHED by a TRESPASSER!!

Of course, I raised the alarm. Allowed my fury to fly free in the face of this OUTRAGE!

But…

I was not allowed outside to teach this TRESPASSER A LESSON!

Join me fellow doggers and sign my petition (in your comments) to stamp out the

OPPOSSUM MENACE!!!

They are worse than the squirrels, fellow doggers.

They sneak into your yard in the dead of night to do who knows what. They trip the security lights. You bark your warnings to them. They tramp all over YOUR TERRITORY. WALK ON YOUR GRASS! CRAWL THROUGH YOUR BUSHES! SO…You try “dogfully” to get outside and do your duty toward your territory and you know what happens….

YOU GET THE SQUIRT BOTTLE!


 

Join me fellow doggers!

SAY NO TO THE OPPOSSUM!


THEY MUST GO!!!

STAMP OUT THIS OVERSIZED RAT TAILED CRITTER!

It is for the good of all

THEY ARE NOT CUTE!!!!!

 

Peace out!

Opie


Not so Wordless Wednesday — Letters from a Doggy Inmate

 

Dear Bloggers,

It’s my first night at Doggy Central. I’ve been here before, but somehow this time it’s different. I really didn’t want to go this time. Once again, Mama happened to mention that the hotel was doggy friendly. She told me that in the fall after I finish up class we’ll pack up a doggy backpack for me and hit the road all together. But for now, I’m trapped at Doggy Jail Central.

.

Yes, the people are nice, but they are not MY people.

It is an all night party here. We don’t have cages at Doggy Central. We are “free” to roam around our little dog area. There are plenty of interesting back ends to sniff.


However, you have to be a bit careful around here– Lot’s of dominating type dogs. I’m really not into that! A couple of my deep growls and that’s the end of that! You have to show everyone who’s the Alpha and then they’ll leave you alone. I’ll bet that Yorkie will think twice next time he tries to jump ME!

I’ve found a cell mate – a pug that’s planning a break out on Sunday. He’s working on a tunnel under the plastic play house. I hear him scratching now.


The dachshund says that he can do a nice tattoo of a mermaid on my belly if I trade him one of my greenie snacks. I don’t want a mermaid. I might like a nice bone or picture of steak. I’ll talk to him more about it in the morning. The poodle is trying to sniff my butt as I write this. He’s okay. I’ll sniff him a bit later. The Dachshund says that Greenies are like gold here. I can get anything I want if I have enough greenies – extra treats, belly rubs from other dogs, extra wet food! I’m going to save mine. Who knows what I might have to trade them for?


I can hear a lonely hound in the big dog side howling a mournful tune.

Wow! He sounds just like Johnny Cash!


Come back soon family!

I’ve scratched the first day of my imprisonment stay here into the wall behind the fake grass indoor potty.


 

One night down! 4 more to go!

AHHH— OOOOOOOO!

Opie

Inmate #007


Catching up on our Blog Hiatus – A Snorkie Cumulative Report!

Hi All,

Opie here!

The first of July we were a little lax on our blogging. It was hot here in Southern California and Mama didn’t want to go near her computer.

Additionally, we were just tied up with all sorts of summer stuff.

So here’s our little catch up.

Most of these photos are pre-summer hair butchery cut

So here’s the update on what we did from July 1 through July 16th

Photo Hijinx


I spent a good portion of this part of the month getting chin rubs, head rubs, belly rubs, back scratching and all the lovely things that our mamas, papas and human brothers excel at.

I must say that mama is a genius behind the ears!

My New Bed!


I also got a new bed! I used to sleep in a nice wicker laundry basket in Mama and Daddy’s room, but I made a little bit too much noise getting comfortable. It wasn’t my fault that the wicker creaked and occasionally I tipped it over. So here is my new bed with my favorite doggy blanket! This is a great spot for a short nap during the day, but the truth is. This is my best spot right here! My older hu-brother snuck in the room in the early morning and took this picture of me and Daddy sleeping.

My Real Bed


 

My Borrowed Spectacles

I’ll admit though that all the books by my bed has had an effect on me. I think I’m starting to look like my human family. They all wear spectacles.

I think I look quite dashing in these nice blue frames!


Actually, these are Mama’s glasses. She thinks I might as well have them. If you look closely you might see the toothmarks I put in the lenses.

In my defense, I was new to the house. She left them on her desk. I’d never seen glasses before. I thought they were an interesting chew toy.

(That’s my story and I’m sticking to it!)

I didn’t do much on the 4th of July!

I did find a nice place to hide under Mama’s chair though.


My Summer Hair Cut

Of course you know that I got a short summer hair cut.


And that’s about it.

Now we’re all caught up.

Now what do you have to look forward to.

My anniversary blog!

Yes, that’s right. I was rescued during July. Mama has something special planned for me ( At least I know it’s not a haircut or a trip to the vet! ) And I imagine there will be pictures.

There might be funny hats.. although I hope not.

So keep reading the blog!

Smell you later,

 

Opie

Muscle Dog

 

 

 


Somebody stole my fur coat! A Snorkie’s cry for Help!

Hi All,

Opie here.

You remember me?


Well, this is what I looked like after I got my Pro Collar off!

See this happy furry dog!


This is what I look like all the time!

Happy! Furry! A gleaming white coat with a little curl in it!

I won’t say I’m “Coat Proud” but… GOL DANG IT! That’s exactly what I am!

Here is the Story of my Travail.

Due to the whole histiocytoma episode, I had not been to my monthly grooming in about 2 months.

My nails had gotten almost as long as my hair and I was bumping into things.

(Snoopy, I don’t now how you see anything!) I was bumping my head on the coffee table — a puppy move!

I was misjudging the distance for jumping on the bed and landing on my furry butt!

My hu-brothers vetoed the idea of a barrette to keep the hair out of my eyes, and I accidently scratched Mama jumping into her lap.

Mama decided it was time to go back to the groomer.

That morning she brushed me and brushed me and brushed me.

Unfortunately, I am prone to mats, especially on my legs. I’m also prone to running off when Mama brings out the brush.

She brushed me this time solid for about 30 minutes, feeding me duck treats to keep me from running off. (By the way, that really did work!)



It was an ordeal, but nothing compared to what was to come!

Off we went to the groomers.

I could wax poetic about the scents that went up my nose as we drove there.

I could wax poetic about the duck treats in the car, but I’ll cut to the chase!

Here is the result!


What the &^%$ happened to my fur coat?


Mama is in the dog house!

My hu-brothers are really mad at her. They miss my fluffy consequence!

In her defense, she didn’t tell the groomer to do this to me.

He called her at home and said that he couldn’t get the matted snarls out of my fur.

He said that he had to trim me more than usual to make it even.

I heard Mama say over the phone – “What mats. He didn’t have any mats when I brought him to you?”

I have a feeling I won’t be visiting the groomer anytime soon!

Mama mentioned something about just filing my nails down herself from now on!

I do miss my hair!

I’ll admit though that I’m a lot more aerodynamic now. It’s also a bit cooler. I seem to be a bit more energetic too!

Squirrels look out!

I’ve turned into a “MUSCLE DOG!”


Oh and my coat STILL gleams!

Do I forgive Mama? Of course I do!

SHE DID NOT CUT OFF MY HAIR!

THE GROOMER DID!

And of course, there’s the other thing…

It will grow!

Mama’s determined that my hair MUST grow quickly.

I’ve told her that duck sticks make it grow faster.

Well, fellow doggers there’s an upside to everything!

Smell you later,

Opie,

MUSCLE DOG!