A Snorkie’s Rant!
Hi Fellow Doggers,
I have a bone to pick with my family! I don’t know what happened, but suddenly they’ve decided to embark on all these “home improvements.”
I know, you’re thinking, “Home improvements? What’s wrong with that?”
Well, keep reading and I’ll tell you.
Every one of these home improvements has led to some discomfort for me. AND I DON’T LIKE DISCOMFORT OF ANY SORT!
Let’s take home improvement #1 – The new roof
Back in September, my mom and dad decided that we needed a new roof on the house. Personally, I thought it was neat to find little pieces of wood shingles in the grass after a mild wind storm. More sticks for me to bury.
Mom figured that I might object to guys tramping around on the roof, tearing it off, hammering and climbing on ladders.
She thought I might not take well to that. So, off I went to the kennel.
If you’ve read any of my previous blog posts, you know that that was not a good thing for me.
My Bordadella shot didn’t work as well as it should have and I caught “Kennel Cough.” That was such a drag!
I had this nagging cough and I didn’t feel so hot. The up side was that I did have a lot of “Magic Cheese” for about 14 days. I also was “unenrolled” from my Obedience classes due to my contagious state.
I was really looking forward to getting my diploma.
I also picked up a rather itchy rash. Mom doesn’t think I got it at the kennel, but I’m pushing for a complete moratorium on doggy day cares so I’ll swear on a stack of “Dog Whisperers” that I caught it there. The rash necessitated another 14 days of “Magic Cheese”.
As you can see fellow doggers, if Mom and Dad had not fixed the roof, I would not have gone to doggy day care and ergo would not have contracted Kennel Cough! This in and of itself is sufficient evidence that home improvement is bad news for this Snorkie.
But there is more evidence to support my contention!
Home Improvement #2 – Painting the House
With the new roof it seemed only natural for mom and Dad to want to paint the house. Now personally, I thought the house was a becoming shade of “beigeish,” pinkish, grayish color. (Mom is reminding me that I’m color blind and should stop complaining.)
Well, fellow doggers, I thought that I had dodged the proverbial doggy day care bullet because I had such a short bout of wellness after my kennel cough. Remember after my kennel cough I got sick AGAIN. I had some mysterious stomach upset. I had hoped that Mom would have taken my illness into account and postponed the painting of the house, but no.
She muttered some folderol about getting the house painted by Thanksgiving. Anyway, there I was recuperating from the last bout of illness and here come these guys. They were scraping at the walls, the windows, sanding.
Worst of all, I was not allowed outside to bite them, and fellow doggers, they needed biting – especially the guy who was scraping paint off the front window – MY WINDOW!
Now I know you are as outraged as I am about the assault on MY WINDOW! However, this home improvement was even more horrific.
Just because I was running from room to room, barking my head off, scratching the shutters, trying to jump out the back door – generally showing those TRESPASSING PAINTERS WHO IS BOSS – I got….
Now you must understand, I know how to “go to crate” Mama trained me with duck sticks and other tasty treats to go there whenever she says to go. (Crate Training Blog Posts.)But guys, she hardly ever tells me to go to crate! I can stay at home alone uncrated. I use my crate primarily as a goodie stash! I don’t stay inside very long. I might have a nap in there if the boys are playing a loud video game but generally, I don’t hang out there.
I prefer a nice soft lap.
Mama moved my crate AWAY from MY Window and pulled it in the middle of the room behind the chair and covered up the side that faced the window with my doggy blanket. Occasionally, she let me out when the painters were working on other side of the house, but when they were on MY SIDE OF THE HOUSE. I got CRATED!!!
Do you now see why home improvements are NOT
a friend to dogs? I couldn’t care less that the house is now a deep golden color or that the old paint peeled double hung windows are now all crisp and white!
I’M COLOR BLIND!
Home improvement is not my friend and certainly not a friend to any dog that I can think of!
So let’s sum up.
Home improvements caused me to contract kennel cough, a rash and be crated IN MY OWN HOUSE!!!
I appeal to you fellow doggers
Tell your Mamas and Daddys to eschew Home Improvement!
Be content with your dilapidated roof, your ugly house color, your squeaky floor boards, your leaky bathtubs!
Keep doggies in the house!
Keep workmen OUT!!!
If that doesn’t work, point out that vet bills totally blow!
This has been another Snorkie rant!