Tag Archives: snorkie musings

Typical Sunday Afternoon with Dad – The Alpha

Hey fellow Doggers,

They say a picture is worth a thousand words. Well, I thought in anticipation of Fathers Day I’d share what a typical Sunday afternoon is like with my Dad.

First, Dad looks for interesting bits in the paper that I might find stimulating.

I do enjoy the Calendar section!

Dad loves it that I enjoy reading the paper with him. He gives me a little ear pet in my favorite spot!

Don’t hate me because I am so, so lucky to have such a wonderful Dad!

 I also like to read the L.A. Extra section. There was an interesting photo on this page that caught my attention.

Newspapers have many uses fellow doggers. Reading is a very useful skill. Last week I found a coupon for my favorite treats! Not that I’m a great couponer, but occasionally, there is treasure in the newsprint, and I’m not talking about “puppy landmines”.

Dad is really engrossed in his reading, but he never forgets the important thing… to pet me!

He’s the one who is always concerned about whether I’ve been fed and not just because I tend to beg request treats from him at his end of the dining room table.

This is so relaxing! I get a little sleepy. This is a wonderful doggy massage. All my squirrel chasing tensions are easing away. Dad, you could charge money for this!

Hmmm. So relaxing…….. No,  don’t stop!

But then I hear something outside and smell something cooking in the kitchen. That wakes me right up!

 Just for a moment and then

Boom… I’m down… eventually Mama stops clicking the camera and I get a good nap. Daddy turns the paper pages very gently so he doesn’t disturb me.

He is truly an Alpha among humans.

 Every day should be Fathers Day at my house! Happy Early Fathers Day Dad!

You rock!

Love Opie


Not the least bit Wordless Wednesday — Australian Artifacts and New York City Blues and other Doggy complaints

Hi Fellow Doggers,

I know it’s been a really long time between blogs. I do apologize for that. I’ve been such a busy doggy – sleeping, eating, walking, pooping, barking, running, playing, chewing, barking, barking, barking. Uh well, I did do a lot of barking lately. No reason, just cuz!

I have to say I’ve been getting lots of pets and cuddles, so I haven’t had a lot of time to dictate my blog to Mom. When Gregory returned from Australia, he was as glad to see me as I was to see him!


Anyway, he brought back a lot of interesting things that I’ve tried to get my teeth into more than once.

This thing is a didgeridoo.


Gregory makes a funny noise from it. I don’t like that noise at all. I ran all the way out of the room when he blew through it. Now I won’t go near it. He says that this is just a small one, that there are bigger ones. The sound that comes out of  this thing makes my fur crawl! A bigger one might make me bite someone. ( Namely, the person blowing the didgeridoo!)

It looks like a fancy bully stick , but it’s not to my taste!

This other thing is called a boomerang.


Gregory says that if you throw it far enough, it comes back to you. He hasn’t thrown it yet. Mom says our yard is too small, and it looks like it might take someone’s head off. Seriously, what good is a stick that will come back to you? Granted, I’m not that great at “Fetch,” but I resent this “Fetch” shortcut. What next – virtual walks? Hmm, I’m not too sure about this thing. I think I’ll chew it down to a nub once I get my teeth into it. It hasn’t made any odd sounds, so it’s fair game!


Gregory does have some interesting artifacts from Australia, but I think the best thing he brought home was himself.


It’s pure misery when I’m missing a member of my pack. It’s almost as bad as when they all run off on “vacation” and leave me at Doggie Central.

Which they did almost as soon as Gregory got back!

I hate Spring Break! Why does everyone think this is a good thing? I mean the term has “BREAK” in it for dog’s sake! Mom, Dad, Gregory and Michael went off to New York City for Spring Break.

I asked Mom really nicely if I could go too, but she said that I would hate the plane ride. I’m too big to fit in a carrier under the seat, and even if I scrunched myself down I’d be miserable and stressed out. She says I’d bite the flight attendants’ ankles.  I’d probably get the whole family  put on the “no fly” list.

Nothing she said convinced me that my going on a plane was a bad thing!

Anyway, they were gone for a whole week, which meant I was at Doggie Central for a whole week! Don’t get me wrong. I like the folks at Doggie Central. They’re nice, and I usually get along with all the other doggies incarcerated boarded there. However, it is NOT home. And even worse, I have to have a bath before Mama liberates picks me up .

Now of course, we are entering the season of summer vacation. I’m a little worried that I might get a “summer cut” like last summer.

Remember this!


I don’t mind a trim, but come on. Don’t I look a little naked?

I kind of needed that t- shirt Mom put on me.

I think my pack may take another trip this summer, but I’m going to lobby for a car trip and someplace I can go too, or maybe not at all!

I think Mom might be weakening on this issue. She took lots of pictures of dogs in New York and says that it was clear that New York is a very doggy friendly place. They even have bronze sculptures of doggy poo in their famous art museums.  If that isn’t dog friendly, I don’t know what is. 

 
Mom says that I would have loved a walk in Central Park. She’s right? I would have, but I don’t need a big fancy park. I just need my family, my neighborhood and my backyard to have an excellent time.

Please do me a favor, fellow doggers!

Please ask Mama to either take me on the next trip or stay home with me.

I really hate it when they leave.

See, here’s my sad face.


Think it’ll work on her? No — Don’t answer that!

Well, I hear her coming with my leash fellow doggers.

Gotta walk!

Smell you later!

Your pal,

Opie


Opie – International Verminator!

Hi fellow Doggers,

My fur brother is going off to Australia for a week. I’m going to miss him horribly.


Worse yet, I think they’ve made a horrible mistake in not letting me go with him.

I did some internet research and they have some pretty strange animals down there in “Oz”. They all seem to be some form of vermin. As you know, as a Snorkie, I hate vermin everywhere, especially international vermin. Obviously, I need to go to “Oz” to guard my hu-brother and whittle down their “squirrelishy” vermin population.

Here are some of the squirrelish creatures that my Gregory may encounter. I hope that he’s prepared.  This vermin looks quite interesting to chase, bark at and sink my teeth into.

This giant squirrel like thing appears to be some sort of double vermin.

If I got to chase it, I’d catch two for the effort of one.

That large tail looks like it might be quite fun to bite. Mama says it’s a Kangaroo. Hmm, I think it would rue the day that it met up with me!


Obviously, this grey thing clinging to the tree is some sort of tailless squirrel. I’m not happy about the size of its claws. However, it is certainly “barkworthy!” Mama says it’s a Koala bear, but it looks very “verminish” to me, not bearish at all. That nose looks like it needs my teeth in it. I’m actually pretty sure I saw something like this at the doggy toy store recently.


Undoubtedly, Australians have let their squirrels get completely out of hand. This one is missing his tail and seems to be horribly over fed. I believe there is a seriously low Snorkie population Down Under. More Snorkies equals less fat tailless squirrels. After I get through cleaning up their little continent, they might give me a medal, or at least some neat Australian treats. If it smells like meat, I’ll eat it. This is a wombat according to Mama. Well, watch out Mr. Wombat, it’s time for your wombat butt wompin’ Opie style!


This is some sort of demented looking cat. I have to say the feral cats in my neighborhood are far more handsome. This guy should be a piece of cake to deal with.  I’d make short work of it. Mama says that I shouldn’t even entertain the idea of tangling with this thing. She says it’s a Tasmanian Devil. She obviously hasn’t heard what the big dogs call me at the dog park — Opie the Terminator. When I get through with this devil it will be singing with the angels!


Now this thing looks really fun to chase. In fact, it looks kind of like a toy I already have. Those ears look like a lot of fun to chew on. I bet I can make it really, squeak.

Mama says that this is a Greater Bilby. Well, Bilby here has delusions of grandeur. I’d say he was definitely “lesser” and I’ll be the greater, probably the greatest Snorkie in the world. I just realized that I could gain International status as a Snorkie Verminator.

I hope Gregory is able to keep himself safe from these weird creatures without me to protect him. I am the official family security expert. I even have a uniform. It seems unwise to send him off to some strange place with strange animals without me his trusty snorkie to protect him.


What is Gregory going to do without me?

Actually, what am I going to do without Gregory?


I heard Daddy say he’ll only be gone for a week. 

 Well, fellow doggers you and I both know this “week” is really a a century in doggy time.  ( Sigh)

I think I’ll go sit with Mama.

She looks like she needs a lick and I know I could use  a pet.



Words to live by… A Snorkie’s comment

Hi All,

I’m usually a pretty self centered kind of fellow. I mean, I want my kibble when I want it. I want my belly rubbed … all the time. I like what I like ,and if I don’t like it. I bark or growl or hide in my crate. That’s life right? But, every once in a while I get it. I get why Mama adopted me, why sometimes she shoves me in the bedroom so I won’t interfere with the neighbor who’s chasing that crazy Dachshund escape artist. I get why the boys give away their perfectly good books and toys to the little boy next door.

Here it is.

I’ll bet you get it too.

Have a Snorkie kind of a day!

Peace out,

Opie


Dear Santa – A Snorkie’s Christmas List

Dear Santa Claus,

I know that you are a great animal lover! You’ve taken great care of your magic reindeer all these years. You are also such a handsome man, (and no, I am not just sucking up because you are the bringer of gifts, you really are a handsome man.) You have a wonderful beard – almost as lovely as mine. Your white hair gleams – almost as much as mine does. You must know you are one of my favorite humans besides my family.

Who else would I allow in my house in the dead of night? You know you’re my homie!


Anyway, let me get down to brass tacks. I have some requests for this Christmas. You can put them in my doggy stocking or under the tree.

I’ve been a very good boy by the way. I know I must certainly be on your list of good doggies. Actually all of us in this house have been pretty good. My guess is you’ll have lots of stuff for my hu-brothers.


So here’s my list.


  1. 30 pound bag of Duck Jerky – I love that stuff!

  2. 1000 foot extension leash for chasing squirrels at least 2 blocks ahead of mom on walks

  3. Mail Carrier Location
    device so they can’t sneak up on my porch while I’m taking a nap

  4. 1 Case of Best Bully Sticks — You’re going to bring me that anyway, right?

  5. Doggy Door so that I can go to the backyard at will – Mama wants one that she can lock, but you don’t need to add that feature.

  6. Plans for a Burmese Opossum/Raccoon Trap – Do I really need to explain that?

  7. Stuffed Chipmunk – ’cause they’re fun and I bit the head off my other one

  8. Stuffed Squirrel – ’cause they’re fun and I bit the head off my other one

  9. Stuffed Opossum – ’cause they’re fun and I bit the head off my other one
  10. Stuffed Skunk – ’cause they’re fun and I bit the butt off my other one. I kept thinking it was trying to spray me.
  11. 5 cans of Tennis balls – ’cause I keep chewing my old ones “bald”
  12. Fuzzy slippers that look just like Mom’s but are Mine to chew on. Frankly, I don’t see what the big deal is. One tiny little hole and it’s like the whole world exploded. Sheesh!
  13. 4 dozen white athletic socks – just like my hu-brothers, but are mine to chew on.
  14. “Whack a squirrel” video game by Xbox Kinect – That looks SOOOOOO fun!
  15. Some light reading
    1. To Kill a Squirrel – by Barker Lee
    2. The Poodle with the Dragon Tattoo – by Stieg Barkson
    3. The Poodle who pulled the Cat’s tail – by Stieg Barkson
    4. If you give a Dog a Donut – Laura Numeroff (human author, really!)
    5. Of Mice and Mastiffs – John Steinbark
    6. Lassie – the Unauthorized Biography – by Wolf Tailwagger
    7. Bo – First Dog for the First Family an Autobiography — by Bo Obama
  16. Gift Certificate for one free bite on Mail carrierPlease, please, please, please, please!
  17. Homemade liver treats – I’d like Mama to make them, but if Mrs. Claus is a competent cook, I’ll take them from her. (I’ll take them from anybody!)
  18. My own couch in front of the TV –My hu-brothers keep squishing me!
  19. A red fire hydrant for the backyard – because Tuesday, Chewy and Momo will be SOOOOO Jealous! They’re my buds in the ‘hood.
  20. Gift Certificate for unlimited tummy rubs and head scratches – Yeah Baby!
  21. 25 free rides to the dog park – I don’t have to go with Mama. I’ll take a cab! Who needs a leash?
  22. Plane ticket to visit all my blog buddies across the country – Especially my friend Sage so we can go to the 1000 acre park! And my buddy Bogie in Texas. But I’m not riding in anybody’s cargo hold. I may be able to fit under the seat if Mama doesn’t bring any carry on items!

 

Of course Santa, I reserve the right to modify and expand this list. But I think for now, this is probably a good place for you to start.

I have great confidence that a handsome bearded jolly person like you will have no trouble finding and providing these items for me. Remember I’ve been a very, very good doggie! By the way, if you see any Christmas outfits on Mama’s list, don’t even bother with them. She thinks she wants to dress me up, but she’s getting old and confused. She doesn’t really want to do that. So, if you see that on her list, please cross it out chalk it up to early dementia on her part.


 

I promise. I am NOT wearing any more Christmas outfits even if I do look stunningly handsome in them.

Some things are just beneath a Snorkie’s dignity.


 

Oh one last thing Santa,

 

  1. For you to be extra careful about placing little doggies and kittens in stockings this year. Please make certain that they go to good homes that really want them and understand how much love and care we doggies and kittens too need. Please make certain that the rescued doggies and kitties find FOREVER homes. It’s so sad when someone gives some child a pet without thinking about whether that pet is a good fit for the family or whether they should even have one at all. So please Santa be extra careful. You’re smart dude so I know you’ll probably do this anyway, but I can’t let this opportunity to talk to you pass without a gentle reminder.

     

Well say “high” to reindeer and the elves for me. (BOL!)

 

Licks and Sniffs,

 

Your Pal Opie

 


The Species Gap – or Human – Snorkie Communications Failure

Hello Fellow Doggers,


I hope everyone had a nice Thanksgiving. I did. I had kibble with rice AND turkey. It was delicious. I’m licking my chops just remembering it. I can’t wait for the next Holiday feast coming our way.

However, I’m not going to be talking about that in today’s blog post. Today I’d like to talk about the Species Gap and the problems of communication between Snorkie and Human.

Mom will tell you that it’s a matter of my “crying wolf”. First of all, I object to that politically incorrect term. It is offensive to wolves everywhere. As a direct descendant of that noble breed I am deeply offended. But I digress.

Here’s the issue.

Evidently, my late night barking and trying to go to the back yard between 3 and 5 AM in the morning has been interpreted as some pointless “baying” at the opossums and raccoons that traverse our yard at night. I am inexplicably not allowed to go out between those hours to show these trespassers who is top dog.

However, last night was an entirely different situation. Not only was there a trespasser in the yard, but… more importantly, fellow doggers, I had to empty my bladder.

So, at 4 AM as I barked and whined and scratched to go outside and I heard Mom and Dad mutter “critters in the yard, I guess” and then go back to snoring. I kept this whining and snuffling at the back door going for a good half hour, but then, I am ashamed to admit. I did what I had to do. Yes, fellow doggers. I peed in the laundry room in front of the back door. I knew it was wrong when I did it but what’s a Snorkie to do? I was about to explode. I had done my “dogful” best to communicate my need to Mom and Dad, but they completely misinterpreted my cries of urgency.

I put it to you fellow doggers. Was this my fault?


To be fair, mom was not mad at me in the morning. I think she was mad at Dad because he did not let me out before coming to bed that evening. Mom went to bed early – around 9PM and Dad didn’t come until much later. Very gently, she suggested that the last person to bed should make certain that a certain Snorkie has had a late night potty run. I couldn’t agree more.

However, the deeper problem is our Human-Snorkie Communication failure.

It worries me fellow doggers. How do I educate my mom on the various nuances of our doggy lingo?

How will she learn that snuffle whine, whine means “Dear Mater and/or Pater, please let me outside. There’s a possum that I need to behead with my teeth.”

And that snuffle, whine, whine, yip means, “My back teeth are floating. Kindly, allow me outside to urinate, please. ”

It’s a dilemma.

I urge all scientists out there to come up with a solution.

Clearly, technology can solve this grave problem.


(Can’t we have an “App” for this?)

So,


Dear Brilliant Scientists,

Please Solve the Snorkie-Human communication gap.

The floor you save may be your own.

Peace Out,

Opie, The Misunderstood Snorkie


A Snorkie’s Thanksgiving Day Poem

By Opie, Snorkie Laureate of the house

The scents of autumn fill the air,

My nose is twitching for my share

Of delicious things that Mama makes-

Savory meats, veggies, tasty cakes.

It is that special time of year

When doggies all should stay quite near

When Mama or Daddy calls you close

Even if it is to give a dose

Of medicine for an itchy spot,

Or brush out the hairs that made a knot

Because after”Good Boy” will soon follow

Lovely things dogs love to swallow.


But I digress about the food

It puts me in such a mood

To recount the things for which I’m grateful.

So here we go … I have a plateful.


I give thanks for my family dear

Without whom I’d be prone to tear

And Sad, lonely — hungry too.

Thank you all for my rescue.

I am thankful also for all those folks

Who tire themselves trying to coax

Others to give deep and well

So other fur friend sadness they can quell,

And all the doggies and cats and things

Can find joy of home that parents bring

To loving pets who nuzzle and lick.

(Yes, I’m grateful as well, that I’m not sick.)

So, good home, good health and love are what I’m grateful for

And if I’d more time, I’d write some more,

But Happy Thanksgiving my Fur Friends.

Go eat some Turkey! This is the end!

Happy Thanksgiving!


 


 


Just say NO to HOME IMPROVEMENTS!

A Snorkie’s Rant!

Hi Fellow Doggers,

I have a bone to pick with my family! I don’t know what happened, but suddenly they’ve decided to embark on all these “home improvements.”


I know, you’re thinking, “Home improvements? What’s wrong with that?”

Well, keep reading and I’ll tell you.

Every one of these home improvements has led to some discomfort for me. AND I DON’T LIKE DISCOMFORT OF ANY SORT!

Let’s take home improvement #1 – The new roof

Back in September, my mom and dad decided that we needed a new roof on the house. Personally, I thought it was neat to find little pieces of wood shingles in the grass after a mild wind storm. More sticks for me to bury.

Mom figured that I might object to guys tramping around on the roof, tearing it off, hammering and climbing on ladders.


She thought I might not take well to that. So, off I went to the kennel.

If you’ve read any of my previous blog posts, you know that that was not a good thing for me.

My Bordadella shot didn’t work as well as it should have and I caught “Kennel Cough.” That was such a drag!


I had this nagging cough and I didn’t feel so hot. The up side was that I did have a lot of “Magic Cheese” for about 14 days. I also was “unenrolled” from my Obedience classes due to my contagious state.


I was really looking forward to getting my diploma.

I also picked up a rather itchy rash. Mom doesn’t think I got it at the kennel, but I’m pushing for a complete moratorium on doggy day cares so I’ll swear on a stack of “Dog Whisperers” that I caught it there. The rash necessitated another 14 days of “Magic Cheese”.

As you can see fellow doggers, if Mom and Dad had not fixed the roof, I would not have gone to doggy day care and ergo would not have contracted Kennel Cough! This in and of itself is sufficient evidence that home improvement is bad news for this Snorkie.

But there is more evidence to support my contention!

Home Improvement #2 – Painting the House


With the new roof it seemed only natural for mom and Dad to want to paint the house. Now personally, I thought the house was a becoming shade of “beigeish,” pinkish, grayish color. (Mom is reminding me that I’m color blind and should stop complaining.)

Well, fellow doggers, I thought that I had dodged the proverbial doggy day care bullet because I had such a short bout of wellness after my kennel cough. Remember after my kennel cough I got sick AGAIN. I had some mysterious stomach upset. I had hoped that Mom would have taken my illness into account and postponed the painting of the house, but no.

She muttered some folderol about getting the house painted by Thanksgiving. Anyway, there I was recuperating from the last bout of illness and here come these guys. They were scraping at the walls, the windows, sanding.


Worst of all, I was not allowed outside to bite them, and fellow doggers, they needed biting – especially the guy who was scraping paint off the front window – MY WINDOW!

Now I know you are as outraged as I am about the assault on MY WINDOW! However, this home improvement was even more horrific.

Just because I was running from room to room, barking my head off, scratching the shutters, trying to jump out the back door – generally showing those TRESPASSING PAINTERS WHO IS BOSS – I got….

CRATED!!!

Now you must understand, I know how to “go to crate” Mama trained me with duck sticks and other tasty treats to go there whenever she says to go. (Crate Training Blog Posts.)But guys, she hardly ever tells me to go to crate! I can stay at home alone uncrated. I use my crate primarily as a goodie stash! I don’t stay inside very long. I might have a nap in there if the boys are playing a loud video game but generally, I don’t hang out there.

I prefer a nice soft lap.

Mama moved my crate AWAY from MY Window and pulled it in the middle of the room behind the chair and covered up the side that faced the window with my doggy blanket. Occasionally, she let me out when the painters were working on other side of the house, but when they were on MY SIDE OF THE HOUSE. I got CRATED!!!

Do you now see why home improvements are NOT
a friend to dogs? I couldn’t care less that the house is now a deep golden color or that the old paint peeled double hung windows are now all crisp and white!

I’M COLOR BLIND!

Home improvement is not my friend and certainly not a friend to any dog that I can think of!

So let’s sum up.

Home improvements caused me to contract kennel cough, a rash and be crated IN MY OWN HOUSE!!!

I appeal to you fellow doggers

Tell your Mamas and Daddys to eschew Home Improvement!

Be content with your dilapidated roof, your ugly house color, your squeaky floor boards, your leaky bathtubs!

Keep doggies in the house!

Keep workmen OUT!!!

If that doesn’t work, point out that vet bills totally blow!

This has been another Snorkie rant!

Peace Out!

Opie



TRESPASSER!!!!!!!!

 

Fellow Doggers,

At 2AM this morning, my back yard was BREACHED by a TRESPASSER!!

Of course, I raised the alarm. Allowed my fury to fly free in the face of this OUTRAGE!

But…

I was not allowed outside to teach this TRESPASSER A LESSON!

Join me fellow doggers and sign my petition (in your comments) to stamp out the

OPPOSSUM MENACE!!!

They are worse than the squirrels, fellow doggers.

They sneak into your yard in the dead of night to do who knows what. They trip the security lights. You bark your warnings to them. They tramp all over YOUR TERRITORY. WALK ON YOUR GRASS! CRAWL THROUGH YOUR BUSHES! SO…You try “dogfully” to get outside and do your duty toward your territory and you know what happens….

YOU GET THE SQUIRT BOTTLE!


 

Join me fellow doggers!

SAY NO TO THE OPPOSSUM!


THEY MUST GO!!!

STAMP OUT THIS OVERSIZED RAT TAILED CRITTER!

It is for the good of all

THEY ARE NOT CUTE!!!!!

 

Peace out!

Opie


Home Again Home Again Jiggety Jig!

Hello Fellow Doggers!

I’ve been sprung from Doggie Central! I’m home. Mama and Daddy came home early!

They were so eager to see me that they decided to cut their little trip short. ( It had nothing to do with the fact that their hotel had ants and they’d already changed rooms twice, that they’d seen all there was to see at the Sequoia National Forest, that Mama was sick to death of driving up and down winding Mountain roads with death as a certainty drop offs! It had nothing to do with any of that!)

Here I am Home again!



I’m exhausted! Daddy’s giving me a much needed scratch behind the ears and it’s just heavenly!

Well, I made it fellow doggers. I want to thank you for your support during my jail travail.

Honestly, I don’t know what I would have done without you. Yes, I was the Alpha over there, but I’d rather be the low man on the totem pole here at home.

Well, I’m sleepy again. I’ll be sleeping a lot for a little while.

Catch you later,

Opie

Parolee #007