Merry Boo-Boo Christmas!

Hi Fellow Doggers,

Well, I did it. I have another health issue. This time it was a boo-boo.

Mama thinks that a black cat has crossed my path or I broke a mirror, or that I spilled some salt!

Before you all get worried on my behalf – don’t. I mean don’t worry. I’m fine.

Here’s what happened. (Or at least what Mama thinks happened.) She’s not too far wrong, only it wasn’t a cat. (Tee Hee!)

It was about 11:30 PM. I heard an interloper in the back yard. Mom and Dad didn’t hear it — Just me. Anyway, I did my little “pee – pee dance” body language.

(They’ve gotten very good at letting me out since my little accident a few weeks ago.)

I went out the back door – into the darkness — and almost caught what smelled like a “cat” lolling about in our backyard. Of course, I told him off.

Mama says that my bark sounded very different than the normal – “I’m here! Stay out.” She said it sounded more like, “I almost got you, you “*&%^” varmint! Come back here and get an introduction to my teeth!”

She interprets my barks pretty well.

Anyway, the “cat” got away. I never laid a paw on it, and it didn’t lay a claw on me either. However, I chased it pretty good under several bushes and all over the yard until it unfairly jumped out of the yard over the fence.

Mama came outside just in time to see me demonstrate my cool speed moves under the bushes. She never really saw the “cat”. She hardly saw me. I was the “White Flash” zipping by. I think I even heard a sonic boom.

(I’m not bragging. I am just THAT fast! )

Anyway, after the excitement I did my business and went back inside the house.

What Mama and Daddy didn’t know — because we all went right to bed – was that I got a boo-boo on my head. I connected with a branch and it took a little chunk of my skin off the top of my head. Dog, did it sting, but I don’t whine ( except when I have to pee). I didn’t cry or anything.

I am not a wussy dog!

Remember – I’m a Snorkie, and I’m tough!

The next morning, Dad woke up first and gave me my usual head scratch. Let me reiterate that I did not whine or cry. Dad thought I had some schmootz in my hair and sat up to pick it out. It wasn’t schmootz. It was dried blood and a scab!

The scab is about ½ the size of my mom’s pinky nail.

During the night my boo-boo bled and scabbed over. Mom and Dad both looked at it. Michael and Gregory looked at it. Michael wanted to take me to the vet.

Dad decided that I could pass on the vet because the boo-boo was already healed over and had made a scab.

The good part about my boo- boo – according to Dad and Mom — is that I can’t reach it to lick it. I’ll admit that did want to give it a few licks, but a weird thing happened. It was a little itchy, but then I kind of forgot all about it. I think it healed faster because I didn’t lick it.

More importantly, I’ve dodged a vet visit.

So Merry Boo-Boo Xmas fellow doggers!

Do you think Santa will take pity on me and get me a bit more stuff?

This is my “please sir, may I have some more” face. Pretty effective right!

Of course, now, people are watching me all the time when I come back from outside. That’s actually kind of cool. I’ve been getting a lot more belly rubs and ear scratches. I have to say I like ear scratching almost as much as belly rubs. Nobody wants to disturb my scab. I’m beginning to love my scab!

Well, Gotta run fellow doggers! I hear some vermin rooting around in the back yard.

Happy Holidays!

Your Pal

The “Opie nator”

The Tough as Nails Snorkie!

Dear Santa – A Snorkie’s Christmas List

Dear Santa Claus,

I know that you are a great animal lover! You’ve taken great care of your magic reindeer all these years. You are also such a handsome man, (and no, I am not just sucking up because you are the bringer of gifts, you really are a handsome man.) You have a wonderful beard – almost as lovely as mine. Your white hair gleams – almost as much as mine does. You must know you are one of my favorite humans besides my family.

Who else would I allow in my house in the dead of night? You know you’re my homie!

Anyway, let me get down to brass tacks. I have some requests for this Christmas. You can put them in my doggy stocking or under the tree.

I’ve been a very good boy by the way. I know I must certainly be on your list of good doggies. Actually all of us in this house have been pretty good. My guess is you’ll have lots of stuff for my hu-brothers.

So here’s my list.

1. 
   30 pound bag of Duck Jerky – I love that stuff!
   
2. 
   1000 foot extension leash for chasing squirrels at least 2 blocks ahead of mom on walks
   
3. 
   Mail Carrier Location
   device so they can’t sneak up on my porch while I’m taking a nap
   
4. 
   1 Case of Best Bully Sticks — You’re going to bring me that anyway, right?
   
5. 
   Doggy Door so that I can go to the backyard at will – Mama wants one that she can lock, but you don’t need to add that feature.
   
6. 
   Plans for a Burmese Opossum/Raccoon Trap – Do I really need to explain that?
   
7. 
   Stuffed Chipmunk – ’cause they’re fun and I bit the head off my other one
   
8. 
   Stuffed Squirrel – ’cause they’re fun and I bit the head off my other one
   
9. 
   Stuffed Opossum – ’cause they’re fun and I bit the head off my other one
   
10. Stuffed Skunk – ’cause they’re fun and I bit the butt off my other one. I kept thinking it was trying to spray me.
    
11. 5 cans of Tennis balls – ’cause I keep chewing my old ones “bald”
    
12. Fuzzy slippers that look just like Mom’s but are Mine to chew on. Frankly, I don’t see what the big deal is. One tiny little hole and it’s like the whole world exploded. Sheesh!
    
13. 4 dozen white athletic socks – just like my hu-brothers, but are mine to chew on.
    
14. “Whack a squirrel” video game by Xbox Kinect – That looks SOOOOOO fun!
    
15. Some light reading
    
    1. To Kill a Squirrel – by Barker Lee
       
    2. The Poodle with the Dragon Tattoo – by Stieg Barkson
       
    3. The Poodle who pulled the Cat’s tail – by Stieg Barkson
       
    4. If you give a Dog a Donut – Laura Numeroff (human author, really!)
       
    5. Of Mice and Mastiffs – John Steinbark
       
    6. Lassie – the Unauthorized Biography – by Wolf Tailwagger
       
    7. Bo – First Dog for the First Family an Autobiography — by Bo Obama
       
16. Gift Certificate for one free bite on Mail carrier — Please, please, please, please, please!
    
17. Homemade liver treats – I’d like Mama to make them, but if Mrs. Claus is a competent cook, I’ll take them from her. (I’ll take them from anybody!)
    
18. My own couch in front of the TV –My hu-brothers keep squishing me!
    
19. A red fire hydrant for the backyard – because Tuesday, Chewy and Momo will be SOOOOO Jealous! They’re my buds in the ‘hood.
    
20. Gift Certificate for unlimited tummy rubs and head scratches – Yeah Baby!
    
21. 25 free rides to the dog park – I don’t have to go with Mama. I’ll take a cab! Who needs a leash?
    
22. Plane ticket to visit all my blog buddies across the country – Especially my friend Sage so we can go to the 1000 acre park! And my buddy Bogie in Texas. But I’m not riding in anybody’s cargo hold. I may be able to fit under the seat if Mama doesn’t bring any carry on items!
    

 

Of course Santa, I reserve the right to modify and expand this list. But I think for now, this is probably a good place for you to start.

I have great confidence that a handsome bearded jolly person like you will have no trouble finding and providing these items for me. Remember I’ve been a very, very good doggie! By the way, if you see any Christmas outfits on Mama’s list, don’t even bother with them. She thinks she wants to dress me up, but she’s getting old and confused. She doesn’t really want to do that. So, if you see that on her list, please cross it out chalk it up to early dementia on her part.

 

I promise. I am NOT wearing any more Christmas outfits even if I do look stunningly handsome in them.

Some things are just beneath a Snorkie’s dignity.

 

Oh one last thing Santa,

 

1. For you to be extra careful about placing little doggies and kittens in stockings this year. Please make certain that they go to good homes that really want them and understand how much love and care we doggies and kittens too need. Please make certain that the rescued doggies and kitties find FOREVER homes. It’s so sad when someone gives some child a pet without thinking about whether that pet is a good fit for the family or whether they should even have one at all. So please Santa be extra careful. You’re smart dude so I know you’ll probably do this anyway, but I can’t let this opportunity to talk to you pass without a gentle reminder.
   

    

Well say “high” to reindeer and the elves for me. (BOL!)

 

Licks and Sniffs,

 

Your Pal Opie

 

My Christmas Rocked!!!! – Thanks to Santa, Mama, Daddy, Grandma and Grandpa!

Merry Christmas everyone!

 

I hope you had a great Christmas!

 

My Holiday ABSOLUTELY ROCKED!!!!

 

Let me show you.

 

First of all let me show you the tree! Look at all those presents. Santa Came!

 

And guess what!

Some of them were for ME!!!!!

Here I am with my presents!

 

 

I have a little puppy pull toy and also a little reindeer bear (not pictured).

 

 

Yes, that’s me with a stuffed squirrel squeaky toy. Is it wrong to gloat! The joy, oh the joy!

 

Best of all, it will NOT put my EYE OUT! Yes, Mama and Daddy and I watched the Christmas Story last night after my human brothers had gone to bed. Those dogs stealing the turkey were very naughty.

 

Presents were great, but the best part was being with my family and being warm and happy and safe.

I got filet mignon with my kibble! Wow. It was great. I got tons of belly rubs and ear scratches. I sat in everyone’s lap and got cuddled and loved. What a great holiday!

 

I played and played and played. Then I fell asleep!

 

Merry Christmas to all and to all a goodnight!

Twas the Night Before Opie’s First Christmas with Us.

 

Twas the night before Christmas, and all through the house

Not a creature was stirring not even a mouse.

It was my first Eve, first Nativity day

With a tree in our house with which I could not play.

It had colorful balls, shiny, blue, green and red,

That my mom called “off limits,” or I would be dead.

The base of the tree smelled of pine and outdoors.

But no marking the base, presents, branches or floors.

“Your leg better stay down, ’round the tree, Opie dear”

If it goes up, I’m sure you’ll have much to fear”

So, ignoring the tree, I curled up in my bed.

And visions of poultry danced round in my head.

I was dreaming of chicken and turkey and beef

When suddenly I heard sounds much like a thief.

Low growl in my throat, tail straight as an arrow,

I licked my chops, and thought, “Go straight for his marrow!”

I jumped off of our bed quick, nails hitting the floor

And then padded softly to peek through the door.

But what to my “wonderous” eyes should appear,

But a fat bearded guy sporting GI-NORMOUS rear.

He was pulling out presents from out of his pack,

And filling up stockings mom’d hung on a rack!

He had gaily wrapped Wii games and Nintendo stuff.

It was all for my boys so I couldn’t be gruff.

It was Santa who mom said would come on this night

To bring presents and gifts to be opened first light.

He wore a great big fur suit just like Mama Said,

I’m a color blind dog, but I’ll bet it was red.

He had a white beard, looked like squirrel tails to me.

He scratched at the thing – Oh, poor guy has a flea!

 

He turned from the tree and he beckoned to me.

I padded right over and he knelt on his knee.

He smelled just like chicken, beef and nut butter,

And as I got closer my heart started to flutter.

He had something to give me that smelled just delicious

And I knew that he’d read each and all of my wishes.

I tore off the wrapping and whined with great glee.

It was a fluffy squirrel toy made especially for me.

Old Santa then gave me a gentle head pat,

Then he scratched at my neck till I started to mat.

He drank milk and ate cookies that my boys had left.

I could see right away why he had so much heft.

He patted the couch and turned on the tube.

And then watched the game DVR’d for this Dude.

He split the last cookie with me in the end.

And I knew that I’d count him forever a friend.

With a belch of delight, he turned off the game,

Rose to full height then did what gave him fame.

He lay his gnarled finger on the side of his nose,

Yuck, I thought, but then up the chimney he rose.

I heard a big racket go on, on our roof.

As I looked out the windows, I saw a big hoof

And well reined up beasts with big antlers — bells ringing.

Next Christmas I knew I would have all of the meaning

Why people on Christmas are especially great

Because the Spirit of Giving is the best ghost to date.

So good night Old Santa! Keep going on with your chores

And know that the welcome at our house forever is yours.

P.S.

Next Christmas could I have one of Blitzen’s Antlers?

It Wasn’t Me! I am Innocent – Somewhat Wordless Wednesday

Hi All,

I think I love the holidays. The house smells like food! Mama and the boys seem to be always making some sort of delicious treat!

Here are some gingerbread houses that Mama and the boys made.

They smell amazing. I swear I don’t know how some of the gum drops and other candy bits ended up on the floor.

Sure, I can reach it. And sure Mama and the boys did go off to see Jeff Bridges in True Grit tonight. Yes, I’ll admit I was not crated or stuck any another part of the house. And yes, Michael forgot to give me my 4PM dinner feeding of Innova Kibble. (By the way, cardboard tastes better than that stuff!)

But I assure you, I did not nibble any part of that gingerbread train. I did not eat the peppermint candy cane even though my breath smells kind of minty fresh. I don’t know why that piece of icing was stuck in my chin hair either.

I assure you I am innocent. Obviously, I’m being framed!

Your Pal Opie,

An unjustly accused Snorkie

This me trying NOT to be Naughty so Happy Holidays!

GRRRRRRRRR!

Why can’t I pee on it? – An Agreement is forged between Dog and Woman

 

Hi all,

Opie Here!

There is a tree inside the house!
Mama has told me that I may not “mark it!”

I say – well, why not? It’s a tree isn’t it?

Isn’t it a dogs God given right to lift his leg in celebration of the wonders of the tree? Okay, I know I’m pushing it.

Oh mom has something to say –

What follows is the transcript of the Christmas tree Agreement:

Mama: Now Opie – you mark trees to show your territory right?

Opie: Well somewhat. I also do it because I can. Heh, Heh, Heh!

Mama: Opie the tree will be in our living room which is YOUR territory already right? So why do you need to mark it at all?

Opie: Well, actually the living room is sort of a shared space. For some reasons, I sometimes get booted off the couch so I don’t really feel that I can categorically say that the living room is really mine. However, if you are saying that you are willing to cede over the living room territory on condition that I refrain from marking a certain dying tree that you’ll have in the house, then I may not be averse to such an arrangement. Of course, I’ll need a bit more consideration for this contract than a mere paw shake. Mom, I’m sure you know that real property transactions require more than a handshake. You’ve got to grease the paw, so to speak. Heh, heh, heh!

Mama: I never knew you were such a shark, but if you’re going to play it like that, then I am going to need some concessions as well. Mercenary little mutt! No more “The Practice” reruns for you!

Opie: Go on learned colleague, no need to get testy just because there’s more than one good brain in this house. Heh, heh, heh!

Mama: The tree shall remain Unmarked by the Snorkie known as Opie for all the time that it is present within the house.

Opie: Agreed.

Mama: Not so fast bud, I’m not done yet.

Opie: Hmm.

Mama: All ornaments or other items dangling from said tree will remain unmolested by all canines within the house. At no time, will the Opie Snorkie, touch with paw or nose any ornament dangling from the tree no matter how close in proximity said ornament is to the said canine. Any ornament that resembles any sort of rodent of any type or any sort of animal of any type or any shape and made of any material shall heretofore remain un-violated by the teeth and tongue of said canine.

Opie: Uh.

Mama: I’m not finished… Said canine will also refrain from drinking the water that the tree is sitting in. He shall leave all gaily wrapped presents and all items that are set under around beside and within a 6 foot radius of the tree alone. He will not mark, nose, paw, jump upon, chew or bite any items that falls within this 6 foot radius.

If he does his temporary easement granting use of the living room will be revoked and he will be banned for an indefinite period to the small bathroom, the back bedroom, the backyard or the laundry room. Subject to my discretion he will also possibly forfeit certain items which might be designated for his gifting under the tree and in his Christmas stocking as well as certain items already in his possession, including but not limited to Hedgie, Mr. Greenie, squeaky tennis balls, Bully sticks and other items causing said dog great entertainment and pleasure.

Opie: You mean there will be presents for me under the tree and in the Christmas stockings?

Mama: Maybe… If you agree to this contract, I am willing to give you three chicken jerky strips and a table spoon of peanut butter to seal the deal. What say you, Opie?

Opie: Presents, I get presents too?

Mama: Opie?

Opie: Oh yes! I agree and I’ll throw in free guard duty. Nobody will get near that tree I guarantee it!

Mama: Uh… well..

Opie: No, mama you can count on me! I’m getting presents, la, la, la, presents, fa la , la, la , …

Mama: I’m ending the post now for Opie. He seems to be dancing a jig.

 

Happy Holidays Everyone!

Opie Tells Santa a Thing or Two

I count at least 8 squirrel tails on this dudes face -- Geez every heard of a BARBER!

Mama says I need to write a letter to Santa Claus. I saw a picture of him. He’s this guy with this huge white beard. I hate beards! Mama says I can’t growl or bark at him when he comes down the chimney to leave presents for the boys. She says I’ll get a lump of coal if I’m bad. (What’s coal?) So, she suggested that I write him a letter. See that guy… looks like he’s got a dozen furry white squirrel tails on his face. I want to bite him!

Here goes!

  

From the Desk of Opie

  

(I totally dig my new stationery – Thanks Ma!)
 

Dear Santa,

I’d tell you to skip our house because I don’t like strangers, but Mama says that you’ll bring presents to my boys —  Gregory and Michael —  if they are good.

I say this to you – IF THEY ARE GOOD!

Listen you Bearded Elf – Gregory and Michael are the best boys in the world. If you don’t bring them the stuff they want, you’ll have to deal with me. Your reindeer have antlers, but I CHEW ANTLERS! And I’ve got friends that eat dried VENISON in their kibble on a daily basis! So watch out! Rudolf’s red nose looks like a training treat to me!

Gregory and Michael are my boys!

They feed me, walk me, play ball with me and go with me to the dog park when they don’t have school.

They give the best tummy rubs in the world. They are my best buddies in the whole wide UNIVERSE!!!!

Their socks taste better than anybody else’s in the world! They want presents — then they should get presents. That’s the way I see it – no IFS ANDS or BUTSs. If they misbehave, they can’t help it. They are human puppies. I understand them – I’m a puppy too! Sometimes we pups just can’t help the trouble we get into.

For example, I can’t help chewing on socks, and especially Michael’s socks while he’s still in them. He has the best tasting toes! I can’t help rolling in stuff that to human noses smells bad. It smells great to me!  And what’s a little mud on Mom and Dad’s bed? It’ll wash off right?

Mama also says that you’ll bring me presents if I am good. Well, I’m as good as I can be. By that I mean that I am GRREAT!

Here’s my Christmas list:

  

More Chicken Jerky
 

Octopus Toy like I saw Lucy’s Human’s Blog only I’d like a purple one please.

A stuffed Squirrel toy that I can destroy

Reindeer Antler (I got my eyes on you!)

Hedgie with a red hat on so I can tear it off

New collar, preferably blue to go with my photo eyes

And no more trips to the groomer – Mama says that you can’t provide that, but if you’re magic like she says then do the job MAGIC MAN!

Mama says I should ask for less “ATTITUDE.”

My own monogrammed blanket for mom and daddy’s bed

 

Mama says I can also ask for stuff for other people.

So here’s what I want for my friends:

I want my dog park back so that my morning gang and I can play like mad again.

I want every dog at Lhasa Happy Home Rescue to get adopted.

I want everyone to donate a can or bag of dog food to a shelter.

I want all the cats to get adopted AND FIXED! (Seriously, we have a feral cat COMMUNITY here in Culver City! It’s scandalous!)

I want people to keep their dogs on leash so they don’t get lost or run over by cars. Really guys – Leashes = Love! Humans don’t drive well.

I want all shelters to be “no kill shelters.”

I want all army dogs to get chips so if they get lost nobody kills them at a shelter by accident.

I want a world where nobody hurts us or scares us or leaves us alone in a ditch until we don’t even look like dogs anymore. (Did you see that story on Bocci’s Blog?)

I want everyone to know how much love we have to give. All of us – big like my friends Sage and Fergus and little like my friends Chewy and Poppy and Woody!

Well Santa, that’s my list.

 

Oh, one last thing.

  

I want at least one squirrel to fall out of my tree this year and let me bite its bushy little tail!

 

Well gotta go Santa. See you December 25^th!

 

  

Do your job! And I won’t bite you.
 

 

 Your pal,

Hippie Santa!

Opie

P.S. Mama’s worried that I won’t get anything because I threatened you so many times in my letter, but I figure you know what’s important. I hear this “Spirit of Christmas” means good will toward men and animals. Believe me I’m no “Dog in a Manger.” I want all to enjoy what I’ve got. The more the merrier right?

“Any who”, Santa dude – You do what you gotta do, and so will I.  I figure you’ll be square with a California Snorkie even if you are wearing a dozen squirrels on your face — You old Hippie!

O.P.