Not the least bit Wordless Wednesday — Australian Artifacts and New York City Blues and other Doggy complaints

Hi Fellow Doggers,

I know it’s been a really long time between blogs. I do apologize for that. I’ve been such a busy doggy – sleeping, eating, walking, pooping, barking, running, playing, chewing, barking, barking, barking. Uh well, I did do a lot of barking lately. No reason, just cuz!

I have to say I’ve been getting lots of pets and cuddles, so I haven’t had a lot of time to dictate my blog to Mom. When Gregory returned from Australia, he was as glad to see me as I was to see him!

Anyway, he brought back a lot of interesting things that I’ve tried to get my teeth into more than once.

This thing is a didgeridoo.

Gregory makes a funny noise from it. I don’t like that noise at all. I ran all the way out of the room when he blew through it. Now I won’t go near it. He says that this is just a small one, that there are bigger ones. The sound that comes out of  this thing makes my fur crawl! A bigger one might make me bite someone. ( Namely, the person blowing the didgeridoo!)

It looks like a fancy bully stick , but it’s not to my taste!

This other thing is called a boomerang.

Gregory says that if you throw it far enough, it comes back to you. He hasn’t thrown it yet. Mom says our yard is too small, and it looks like it might take someone’s head off. Seriously, what good is a stick that will come back to you? Granted, I’m not that great at “Fetch,” but I resent this “Fetch” shortcut. What next – virtual walks? Hmm, I’m not too sure about this thing. I think I’ll chew it down to a nub once I get my teeth into it. It hasn’t made any odd sounds, so it’s fair game!

Gregory does have some interesting artifacts from Australia, but I think the best thing he brought home was himself.

It’s pure misery when I’m missing a member of my pack. It’s almost as bad as when they all run off on “vacation” and leave me at Doggie Central.

Which they did almost as soon as Gregory got back!

I hate Spring Break! Why does everyone think this is a good thing? I mean the term has “BREAK” in it for dog’s sake! Mom, Dad, Gregory and Michael went off to New York City for Spring Break.

I asked Mom really nicely if I could go too, but she said that I would hate the plane ride. I’m too big to fit in a carrier under the seat, and even if I scrunched myself down I’d be miserable and stressed out. She says I’d bite the flight attendants’ ankles.  I’d probably get the whole family  put on the “no fly” list.

Nothing she said convinced me that my going on a plane was a bad thing!

Anyway, they were gone for a whole week, which meant I was at Doggie Central for a whole week! Don’t get me wrong. I like the folks at Doggie Central. They’re nice, and I usually get along with all the other doggies incarcerated boarded there. However, it is NOT home. And even worse, I have to have a bath before Mama liberates picks me up .

Now of course, we are entering the season of summer vacation. I’m a little worried that I might get a “summer cut” like last summer.

Remember this!

I don’t mind a trim, but come on. Don’t I look a little naked?

I kind of needed that t- shirt Mom put on me.

I think my pack may take another trip this summer, but I’m going to lobby for a car trip and someplace I can go too, or maybe not at all!

I think Mom might be weakening on this issue. She took lots of pictures of dogs in New York and says that it was clear that New York is a very doggy friendly place. They even have bronze sculptures of doggy poo in their famous art museums.  If that isn’t dog friendly, I don’t know what is. 

 
Mom says that I would have loved a walk in Central Park. She’s right? I would have, but I don’t need a big fancy park. I just need my family, my neighborhood and my backyard to have an excellent time.

Please do me a favor, fellow doggers!

Please ask Mama to either take me on the next trip or stay home with me.

I really hate it when they leave.

See, here’s my sad face.

Think it’ll work on her? No — Don’t answer that!

Well, I hear her coming with my leash fellow doggers.

Gotta walk!

Smell you later!

Your pal,

Opie

Opie Gives Voice to His Happiness!

Opie – International Verminator!

Hi fellow Doggers,

My fur brother is going off to Australia for a week. I’m going to miss him horribly.

Worse yet, I think they’ve made a horrible mistake in not letting me go with him.

I did some internet research and they have some pretty strange animals down there in “Oz”. They all seem to be some form of vermin. As you know, as a Snorkie, I hate vermin everywhere, especially international vermin. Obviously, I need to go to “Oz” to guard my hu-brother and whittle down their “squirrelishy” vermin population.

Here are some of the squirrelish creatures that my Gregory may encounter. I hope that he’s prepared.  This vermin looks quite interesting to chase, bark at and sink my teeth into.

This giant squirrel like thing appears to be some sort of double vermin.

If I got to chase it, I’d catch two for the effort of one.

That large tail looks like it might be quite fun to bite. Mama says it’s a Kangaroo. Hmm, I think it would rue the day that it met up with me!

Obviously, this grey thing clinging to the tree is some sort of tailless squirrel. I’m not happy about the size of its claws. However, it is certainly “barkworthy!” Mama says it’s a Koala bear, but it looks very “verminish” to me, not bearish at all. That nose looks like it needs my teeth in it. I’m actually pretty sure I saw something like this at the doggy toy store recently.

Undoubtedly, Australians have let their squirrels get completely out of hand. This one is missing his tail and seems to be horribly over fed. I believe there is a seriously low Snorkie population Down Under. More Snorkies equals less fat tailless squirrels. After I get through cleaning up their little continent, they might give me a medal, or at least some neat Australian treats. If it smells like meat, I’ll eat it. This is a wombat according to Mama. Well, watch out Mr. Wombat, it’s time for your wombat butt wompin’ Opie style!

This is some sort of demented looking cat. I have to say the feral cats in my neighborhood are far more handsome. This guy should be a piece of cake to deal with.  I’d make short work of it. Mama says that I shouldn’t even entertain the idea of tangling with this thing. She says it’s a Tasmanian Devil. She obviously hasn’t heard what the big dogs call me at the dog park — Opie the Terminator. When I get through with this devil it will be singing with the angels!

Now this thing looks really fun to chase. In fact, it looks kind of like a toy I already have. Those ears look like a lot of fun to chew on. I bet I can make it really, squeak.

Mama says that this is a Greater Bilby. Well, Bilby here has delusions of grandeur. I’d say he was definitely “lesser” and I’ll be the greater, probably the greatest Snorkie in the world. I just realized that I could gain International status as a Snorkie Verminator.

I hope Gregory is able to keep himself safe from these weird creatures without me to protect him. I am the official family security expert. I even have a uniform. It seems unwise to send him off to some strange place with strange animals without me his trusty snorkie to protect him.

What is Gregory going to do without me?

Actually, what am I going to do without Gregory?

I heard Daddy say he’ll only be gone for a week. 

 Well, fellow doggers you and I both know this “week” is really a a century in doggy time.  ( Sigh)

I think I’ll go sit with Mama.

She looks like she needs a lick and I know I could use  a pet.

Words to live by… A Snorkie’s comment

Hi All,

I’m usually a pretty self centered kind of fellow. I mean, I want my kibble when I want it. I want my belly rubbed … all the time. I like what I like ,and if I don’t like it. I bark or growl or hide in my crate. That’s life right? But, every once in a while I get it. I get why Mama adopted me, why sometimes she shoves me in the bedroom so I won’t interfere with the neighbor who’s chasing that crazy Dachshund escape artist. I get why the boys give away their perfectly good books and toys to the little boy next door.

Here it is.

I’ll bet you get it too.

Have a Snorkie kind of a day!

Peace out,

Opie

The Evolution of Opie’s sleeping habits – on his back and then his belly!

Hi fellow bloggers,

I’ve noticed a lot of people are interested in why I like to sleep on my back! My mom wrote a rather long blog post about it back in 2010. (Why does my dog sleep on his back?)

 It’s one of the most popular blog posts! Check out the side bar on the left, it’s usually listed as something that people are still reading!

I have my own take on why I slept so often on my back when she got me and why I sleep quite rarely on my back now.

First, here are my reasons why I slept on my back in the past.

Reason #1: Quite frankly, I was exhausted! I was totally stressed out. I had been to numerous homes before I finally got to Mama, Daddy and the boys. I was a little nervous. When they gave me a cool new bed, and tons of tummy rubs, I couldn’t help but drift off into a contented slumber in whatever position I happened to be in. Since I was always getting my belly rubbed, that position was my back.

Reason #2: The other reason that I slept on my back was to telecast that I understood my position in the pack. Hey, I was the new guy. I had to be submissive. I wasn’t too sure if Mama or Daddy was the alpha, but I knew I wasn’t. I think once I figured out the pecking order this reason ceased to be dominant.

I know the pecking order now. First, Daddy, then Mama and then me and … oh yes, my hu-brothers. Honestly, though, I have to admit sometimes I get demoted. Throwing up on Mama and Daddy’s bed will usually get me relegated to my bed on the floor. Of course the upside is that I usually get some magic cheese medicine after such an episode. However, I can also get a promotion. A few months back when Michael was sick at home from school. I was promoted to head nurse. My job was to keep Michael’s feet warm as he lay on the couch. That was a great job! I took a long nap in a prime spot and whether he knew it or not. He actually was keeping me warm!

Do I sleep on my back these days? Well not so often. My favorite position these days is to curl up in a tight ball, usually wedged between Mama and Daddy.

You see I start out at the foot of the bed and then later, when I detect some really heavy snoring breathing, then I tiptoe up to Mama and Daddy and wedge myself in between them. It’s a very cozy spot. My hu-brothers tell me that each of them has slept their over the years when they were little bitty. They still try and wedge themselves in on Saturday and Sunday mornings. Then I’ll admit there is a little power struggle that ensues. Unfortunately, they outweigh me. I usually end up back at the end of the bed.

Now back to snoozing on my back …..

I still do it but usually when one of the boys is playing a video game. Prime spot is right behind them on the couch wedged between one of their backsides and the back of the couch.

That’s a golden spot. It serves double duty. I am comfortably warm from the couch and their back ends and I can safeguard the bully stick that I’ve nosed into the couch crevice. I’m lying right on top of it. I can usually count on them sticking to this spot for about 30-40 minutes, sometimes longer if Mom and Dad aren’t paying attention to how long the boys are playing. LOL!

So I hope this answers your questions more fully about the back sleeping. In sum, I sleep on my back because I feel completely safe and secure. I’m with a pack that loves me. I know my place in it for the most part and that’s a great feeling.

If you ever see a dog sleeping on his back, you know that that dog is completely at ease. It’s a good thing!

New Years Resolution from a Snorkie Named Opie

Hi Fellow Doggers,

 

Happy 2012!

 

It’s traditional for folks in my family to make New Year’s Resolutions!

(Whether they keep them or not is a different story.)

Mom has an interesting view on them.

She makes her resolutions achievable within the first month of the New Year.

I’m going to do the same thing.

So here are my New Year’s Resolutions.

I resolve:

To bark at the postal carrier with even more ferocity

(I must stop that person from coming on my porch! It is an outrage!)

To beg for more treats

(Mom’s got a pork roast in the oven. I resolve to get a nice juicy piece of it!)

To achieve maximum cuteness

(Okay, I’ll admit, that’s really too easy.)

To get MORE toys next Christmas

(I’m busy tearing the head of my new monkey, already ripped the guts out of my new stuffed pig. This is a cinch! )

To get a whole piece of bacon at least once a week when Mama cooks breakfast

(Obviously,
I just have to be in the kitchen at the appropriate time. Mom dropped a piece on the floor this AM. I missed it by 3 seconds!)

To guilt the boys and Mama and Daddy into MORE walks

(Already located my leash, I will now drag it around the house!)

To catch that fat squirrel that taunts me.

(Dad got some nuts in his Christmas stocking… Can you say Bait?)

Mama says I shouldn’t make too many. Then they become impossible to manage.

(I think I’ve got this locked!)

Well, those are my resolutions fellow doggers.

Feel free to share yours in your comments on my blog today.

Oh and……

 

2011 in review

The WordPress.com stats helper monkeys prepared a 2011 annual report for this blog.

Here’s an excerpt:

The concert hall at the Syndey Opera House holds 2,700 people. This blog was viewed about 12,000 times in 2011. If it were a concert at Sydney Opera House, it would take about 4 sold-out performances for that many people to see it.

Click here to see the complete report.

Holiday Greetings Fellow Bloggers

 

 

 

Merry Boo-Boo Christmas!

Hi Fellow Doggers,

Well, I did it. I have another health issue. This time it was a boo-boo.

Mama thinks that a black cat has crossed my path or I broke a mirror, or that I spilled some salt!

Before you all get worried on my behalf – don’t. I mean don’t worry. I’m fine.

Here’s what happened. (Or at least what Mama thinks happened.) She’s not too far wrong, only it wasn’t a cat. (Tee Hee!)

It was about 11:30 PM. I heard an interloper in the back yard. Mom and Dad didn’t hear it — Just me. Anyway, I did my little “pee – pee dance” body language.

(They’ve gotten very good at letting me out since my little accident a few weeks ago.)

I went out the back door – into the darkness — and almost caught what smelled like a “cat” lolling about in our backyard. Of course, I told him off.

Mama says that my bark sounded very different than the normal – “I’m here! Stay out.” She said it sounded more like, “I almost got you, you “*&%^” varmint! Come back here and get an introduction to my teeth!”

She interprets my barks pretty well.

Anyway, the “cat” got away. I never laid a paw on it, and it didn’t lay a claw on me either. However, I chased it pretty good under several bushes and all over the yard until it unfairly jumped out of the yard over the fence.

Mama came outside just in time to see me demonstrate my cool speed moves under the bushes. She never really saw the “cat”. She hardly saw me. I was the “White Flash” zipping by. I think I even heard a sonic boom.

(I’m not bragging. I am just THAT fast! )

Anyway, after the excitement I did my business and went back inside the house.

What Mama and Daddy didn’t know — because we all went right to bed – was that I got a boo-boo on my head. I connected with a branch and it took a little chunk of my skin off the top of my head. Dog, did it sting, but I don’t whine ( except when I have to pee). I didn’t cry or anything.

I am not a wussy dog!

Remember – I’m a Snorkie, and I’m tough!

The next morning, Dad woke up first and gave me my usual head scratch. Let me reiterate that I did not whine or cry. Dad thought I had some schmootz in my hair and sat up to pick it out. It wasn’t schmootz. It was dried blood and a scab!

The scab is about ½ the size of my mom’s pinky nail.

During the night my boo-boo bled and scabbed over. Mom and Dad both looked at it. Michael and Gregory looked at it. Michael wanted to take me to the vet.

Dad decided that I could pass on the vet because the boo-boo was already healed over and had made a scab.

The good part about my boo- boo – according to Dad and Mom — is that I can’t reach it to lick it. I’ll admit that did want to give it a few licks, but a weird thing happened. It was a little itchy, but then I kind of forgot all about it. I think it healed faster because I didn’t lick it.

More importantly, I’ve dodged a vet visit.

So Merry Boo-Boo Xmas fellow doggers!

Do you think Santa will take pity on me and get me a bit more stuff?

This is my “please sir, may I have some more” face. Pretty effective right!

Of course, now, people are watching me all the time when I come back from outside. That’s actually kind of cool. I’ve been getting a lot more belly rubs and ear scratches. I have to say I like ear scratching almost as much as belly rubs. Nobody wants to disturb my scab. I’m beginning to love my scab!

Well, Gotta run fellow doggers! I hear some vermin rooting around in the back yard.

Happy Holidays!

Your Pal

The “Opie nator”

The Tough as Nails Snorkie!

Dear Santa – A Snorkie’s Christmas List

Dear Santa Claus,

I know that you are a great animal lover! You’ve taken great care of your magic reindeer all these years. You are also such a handsome man, (and no, I am not just sucking up because you are the bringer of gifts, you really are a handsome man.) You have a wonderful beard – almost as lovely as mine. Your white hair gleams – almost as much as mine does. You must know you are one of my favorite humans besides my family.

Who else would I allow in my house in the dead of night? You know you’re my homie!

Anyway, let me get down to brass tacks. I have some requests for this Christmas. You can put them in my doggy stocking or under the tree.

I’ve been a very good boy by the way. I know I must certainly be on your list of good doggies. Actually all of us in this house have been pretty good. My guess is you’ll have lots of stuff for my hu-brothers.

So here’s my list.

1. 
   30 pound bag of Duck Jerky – I love that stuff!
   
2. 
   1000 foot extension leash for chasing squirrels at least 2 blocks ahead of mom on walks
   
3. 
   Mail Carrier Location
   device so they can’t sneak up on my porch while I’m taking a nap
   
4. 
   1 Case of Best Bully Sticks – You’re going to bring me that anyway, right?
   
5. 
   Doggy Door so that I can go to the backyard at will – Mama wants one that she can lock, but you don’t need to add that feature.
   
6. 
   Plans for a Burmese Opossum/Raccoon Trap – Do I really need to explain that?
   
7. 
   Stuffed Chipmunk – ’cause they’re fun and I bit the head off my other one
   
8. 
   Stuffed Squirrel – ’cause they’re fun and I bit the head off my other one
   
9. 
   Stuffed Opossum – ’cause they’re fun and I bit the head off my other one
   
10. Stuffed Skunk – ’cause they’re fun and I bit the butt off my other one. I kept thinking it was trying to spray me.
    
11. 5 cans of Tennis balls – ’cause I keep chewing my old ones “bald”
    
12. Fuzzy slippers that look just like Mom’s but are Mine to chew on. Frankly, I don’t see what the big deal is. One tiny little hole and it’s like the whole world exploded. Sheesh!
    
13. 4 dozen white athletic socks – just like my hu-brothers, but are mine to chew on.
    
14. “Whack a squirrel” video game by Xbox Kinect – That looks SOOOOOO fun!
    
15. Some light reading
    
    1. To Kill a Squirrel – by Barker Lee
       
    2. The Poodle with the Dragon Tattoo – by Stieg Barkson
       
    3. The Poodle who pulled the Cat’s tail – by Stieg Barkson
       
    4. If you give a Dog a Donut – Laura Numeroff (human author, really!)
       
    5. Of Mice and Mastiffs – John Steinbark
       
    6. Lassie – the Unauthorized Biography – by Wolf Tailwagger
       
    7. Bo – First Dog for the First Family an Autobiography — by Bo Obama
       
16. Gift Certificate for one free bite on Mail carrier — Please, please, please, please, please!
    
17. Homemade liver treats – I’d like Mama to make them, but if Mrs. Claus is a competent cook, I’ll take them from her. (I’ll take them from anybody!)
    
18. My own couch in front of the TV –My hu-brothers keep squishing me!
    
19. A red fire hydrant for the backyard – because Tuesday, Chewy and Momo will be SOOOOO Jealous! They’re my buds in the ‘hood.
    
20. Gift Certificate for unlimited tummy rubs and head scratches – Yeah Baby!
    
21. 25 free rides to the dog park – I don’t have to go with Mama. I’ll take a cab! Who needs a leash?
    
22. Plane ticket to visit all my blog buddies across the country – Especially my friend Sage so we can go to the 1000 acre park! And my buddy Bogie in Texas. But I’m not riding in anybody’s cargo hold. I may be able to fit under the seat if Mama doesn’t bring any carry on items!
    

 

Of course Santa, I reserve the right to modify and expand this list. But I think for now, this is probably a good place for you to start.

I have great confidence that a handsome bearded jolly person like you will have no trouble finding and providing these items for me. Remember I’ve been a very, very good doggie! By the way, if you see any Christmas outfits on Mama’s list, don’t even bother with them. She thinks she wants to dress me up, but she’s getting old and confused. She doesn’t really want to do that. So, if you see that on her list, please cross it out chalk it up to early dementia on her part.

 

I promise. I am NOT wearing any more Christmas outfits even if I do look stunningly handsome in them.

Some things are just beneath a Snorkie’s dignity.

 

Oh one last thing Santa,

 

1. For you to be extra careful about placing little doggies and kittens in stockings this year. Please make certain that they go to good homes that really want them and understand how much love and care we doggies and kittens too need. Please make certain that the rescued doggies and kitties find FOREVER homes. It’s so sad when someone gives some child a pet without thinking about whether that pet is a good fit for the family or whether they should even have one at all. So please Santa be extra careful. You’re smart dude so I know you’ll probably do this anyway, but I can’t let this opportunity to talk to you pass without a gentle reminder.
   

    

Well say “high” to reindeer and the elves for me. (BOL!)

 

Licks and Sniffs,

 

Your Pal Opie