New Years Resolution from a Snorkie Named Opie

Hi Fellow Doggers,

 

Happy 2012!

 

It’s traditional for folks in my family to make New Year’s Resolutions!

(Whether they keep them or not is a different story.)

Mom has an interesting view on them.

She makes her resolutions achievable within the first month of the New Year.

I’m going to do the same thing.

So here are my New Year’s Resolutions.

I resolve:

To bark at the postal carrier with even more ferocity

(I must stop that person from coming on my porch! It is an outrage!)

To beg for more treats

(Mom’s got a pork roast in the oven. I resolve to get a nice juicy piece of it!)

To achieve maximum cuteness

(Okay, I’ll admit, that’s really too easy.)

To get MORE toys next Christmas

(I’m busy tearing the head of my new monkey, already ripped the guts out of my new stuffed pig. This is a cinch! )

To get a whole piece of bacon at least once a week when Mama cooks breakfast

(Obviously,
I just have to be in the kitchen at the appropriate time. Mom dropped a piece on the floor this AM. I missed it by 3 seconds!)

To guilt the boys and Mama and Daddy into MORE walks

(Already located my leash, I will now drag it around the house!)

To catch that fat squirrel that taunts me.

(Dad got some nuts in his Christmas stocking… Can you say Bait?)

Mama says I shouldn’t make too many. Then they become impossible to manage.

(I think I’ve got this locked!)

Well, those are my resolutions fellow doggers.

Feel free to share yours in your comments on my blog today.

Oh and……

 

2011 in review

The WordPress.com stats helper monkeys prepared a 2011 annual report for this blog.

Here’s an excerpt:

The concert hall at the Syndey Opera House holds 2,700 people. This blog was viewed about 12,000 times in 2011. If it were a concert at Sydney Opera House, it would take about 4 sold-out performances for that many people to see it.

Click here to see the complete report.

Holiday Greetings Fellow Bloggers

 

 

 

Merry Boo-Boo Christmas!

Hi Fellow Doggers,

Well, I did it. I have another health issue. This time it was a boo-boo.

Mama thinks that a black cat has crossed my path or I broke a mirror, or that I spilled some salt!

Before you all get worried on my behalf – don’t. I mean don’t worry. I’m fine.

Here’s what happened. (Or at least what Mama thinks happened.) She’s not too far wrong, only it wasn’t a cat. (Tee Hee!)

It was about 11:30 PM. I heard an interloper in the back yard. Mom and Dad didn’t hear it — Just me. Anyway, I did my little “pee – pee dance” body language.

(They’ve gotten very good at letting me out since my little accident a few weeks ago.)

I went out the back door – into the darkness — and almost caught what smelled like a “cat” lolling about in our backyard. Of course, I told him off.

Mama says that my bark sounded very different than the normal – “I’m here! Stay out.” She said it sounded more like, “I almost got you, you “*&%^” varmint! Come back here and get an introduction to my teeth!”

She interprets my barks pretty well.

Anyway, the “cat” got away. I never laid a paw on it, and it didn’t lay a claw on me either. However, I chased it pretty good under several bushes and all over the yard until it unfairly jumped out of the yard over the fence.

Mama came outside just in time to see me demonstrate my cool speed moves under the bushes. She never really saw the “cat”. She hardly saw me. I was the “White Flash” zipping by. I think I even heard a sonic boom.

(I’m not bragging. I am just THAT fast! )

Anyway, after the excitement I did my business and went back inside the house.

What Mama and Daddy didn’t know — because we all went right to bed – was that I got a boo-boo on my head. I connected with a branch and it took a little chunk of my skin off the top of my head. Dog, did it sting, but I don’t whine ( except when I have to pee). I didn’t cry or anything.

I am not a wussy dog!

Remember – I’m a Snorkie, and I’m tough!

The next morning, Dad woke up first and gave me my usual head scratch. Let me reiterate that I did not whine or cry. Dad thought I had some schmootz in my hair and sat up to pick it out. It wasn’t schmootz. It was dried blood and a scab!

The scab is about ½ the size of my mom’s pinky nail.

During the night my boo-boo bled and scabbed over. Mom and Dad both looked at it. Michael and Gregory looked at it. Michael wanted to take me to the vet.

Dad decided that I could pass on the vet because the boo-boo was already healed over and had made a scab.

The good part about my boo- boo – according to Dad and Mom — is that I can’t reach it to lick it. I’ll admit that did want to give it a few licks, but a weird thing happened. It was a little itchy, but then I kind of forgot all about it. I think it healed faster because I didn’t lick it.

More importantly, I’ve dodged a vet visit.

So Merry Boo-Boo Xmas fellow doggers!

Do you think Santa will take pity on me and get me a bit more stuff?

This is my “please sir, may I have some more” face. Pretty effective right!

Of course, now, people are watching me all the time when I come back from outside. That’s actually kind of cool. I’ve been getting a lot more belly rubs and ear scratches. I have to say I like ear scratching almost as much as belly rubs. Nobody wants to disturb my scab. I’m beginning to love my scab!

Well, Gotta run fellow doggers! I hear some vermin rooting around in the back yard.

Happy Holidays!

Your Pal

The “Opie nator”

The Tough as Nails Snorkie!

Dear Santa – A Snorkie’s Christmas List

Dear Santa Claus,

I know that you are a great animal lover! You’ve taken great care of your magic reindeer all these years. You are also such a handsome man, (and no, I am not just sucking up because you are the bringer of gifts, you really are a handsome man.) You have a wonderful beard – almost as lovely as mine. Your white hair gleams – almost as much as mine does. You must know you are one of my favorite humans besides my family.

Who else would I allow in my house in the dead of night? You know you’re my homie!

Anyway, let me get down to brass tacks. I have some requests for this Christmas. You can put them in my doggy stocking or under the tree.

I’ve been a very good boy by the way. I know I must certainly be on your list of good doggies. Actually all of us in this house have been pretty good. My guess is you’ll have lots of stuff for my hu-brothers.

So here’s my list.

1. 
   30 pound bag of Duck Jerky – I love that stuff!
   
2. 
   1000 foot extension leash for chasing squirrels at least 2 blocks ahead of mom on walks
   
3. 
   Mail Carrier Location
   device so they can’t sneak up on my porch while I’m taking a nap
   
4. 
   1 Case of Best Bully Sticks – You’re going to bring me that anyway, right?
   
5. 
   Doggy Door so that I can go to the backyard at will – Mama wants one that she can lock, but you don’t need to add that feature.
   
6. 
   Plans for a Burmese Opossum/Raccoon Trap – Do I really need to explain that?
   
7. 
   Stuffed Chipmunk – ’cause they’re fun and I bit the head off my other one
   
8. 
   Stuffed Squirrel – ’cause they’re fun and I bit the head off my other one
   
9. 
   Stuffed Opossum – ’cause they’re fun and I bit the head off my other one
   
10. Stuffed Skunk – ’cause they’re fun and I bit the butt off my other one. I kept thinking it was trying to spray me.
    
11. 5 cans of Tennis balls – ’cause I keep chewing my old ones “bald”
    
12. Fuzzy slippers that look just like Mom’s but are Mine to chew on. Frankly, I don’t see what the big deal is. One tiny little hole and it’s like the whole world exploded. Sheesh!
    
13. 4 dozen white athletic socks – just like my hu-brothers, but are mine to chew on.
    
14. “Whack a squirrel” video game by Xbox Kinect – That looks SOOOOOO fun!
    
15. Some light reading
    
    1. To Kill a Squirrel – by Barker Lee
       
    2. The Poodle with the Dragon Tattoo – by Stieg Barkson
       
    3. The Poodle who pulled the Cat’s tail – by Stieg Barkson
       
    4. If you give a Dog a Donut – Laura Numeroff (human author, really!)
       
    5. Of Mice and Mastiffs – John Steinbark
       
    6. Lassie – the Unauthorized Biography – by Wolf Tailwagger
       
    7. Bo – First Dog for the First Family an Autobiography — by Bo Obama
       
16. Gift Certificate for one free bite on Mail carrier — Please, please, please, please, please!
    
17. Homemade liver treats – I’d like Mama to make them, but if Mrs. Claus is a competent cook, I’ll take them from her. (I’ll take them from anybody!)
    
18. My own couch in front of the TV –My hu-brothers keep squishing me!
    
19. A red fire hydrant for the backyard – because Tuesday, Chewy and Momo will be SOOOOO Jealous! They’re my buds in the ‘hood.
    
20. Gift Certificate for unlimited tummy rubs and head scratches – Yeah Baby!
    
21. 25 free rides to the dog park – I don’t have to go with Mama. I’ll take a cab! Who needs a leash?
    
22. Plane ticket to visit all my blog buddies across the country – Especially my friend Sage so we can go to the 1000 acre park! And my buddy Bogie in Texas. But I’m not riding in anybody’s cargo hold. I may be able to fit under the seat if Mama doesn’t bring any carry on items!
    

 

Of course Santa, I reserve the right to modify and expand this list. But I think for now, this is probably a good place for you to start.

I have great confidence that a handsome bearded jolly person like you will have no trouble finding and providing these items for me. Remember I’ve been a very, very good doggie! By the way, if you see any Christmas outfits on Mama’s list, don’t even bother with them. She thinks she wants to dress me up, but she’s getting old and confused. She doesn’t really want to do that. So, if you see that on her list, please cross it out chalk it up to early dementia on her part.

 

I promise. I am NOT wearing any more Christmas outfits even if I do look stunningly handsome in them.

Some things are just beneath a Snorkie’s dignity.

 

Oh one last thing Santa,

 

1. For you to be extra careful about placing little doggies and kittens in stockings this year. Please make certain that they go to good homes that really want them and understand how much love and care we doggies and kittens too need. Please make certain that the rescued doggies and kitties find FOREVER homes. It’s so sad when someone gives some child a pet without thinking about whether that pet is a good fit for the family or whether they should even have one at all. So please Santa be extra careful. You’re smart dude so I know you’ll probably do this anyway, but I can’t let this opportunity to talk to you pass without a gentle reminder.
   

    

Well say “high” to reindeer and the elves for me. (BOL!)

 

Licks and Sniffs,

 

Your Pal Opie

 

The Species Gap – or Human – Snorkie Communications Failure

Hello Fellow Doggers,

I hope everyone had a nice Thanksgiving. I did. I had kibble with rice AND turkey. It was delicious. I’m licking my chops just remembering it. I can’t wait for the next Holiday feast coming our way.

However, I’m not going to be talking about that in today’s blog post. Today I’d like to talk about the Species Gap and the problems of communication between Snorkie and Human.

Mom will tell you that it’s a matter of my “crying wolf”. First of all, I object to that politically incorrect term. It is offensive to wolves everywhere. As a direct descendant of that noble breed I am deeply offended. But I digress.

Here’s the issue.

Evidently, my late night barking and trying to go to the back yard between 3 and 5 AM in the morning has been interpreted as some pointless “baying” at the opossums and raccoons that traverse our yard at night. I am inexplicably not allowed to go out between those hours to show these trespassers who is top dog.

However, last night was an entirely different situation. Not only was there a trespasser in the yard, but… more importantly, fellow doggers, I had to empty my bladder.

So, at 4 AM as I barked and whined and scratched to go outside and I heard Mom and Dad mutter “critters in the yard, I guess” and then go back to snoring. I kept this whining and snuffling at the back door going for a good half hour, but then, I am ashamed to admit. I did what I had to do. Yes, fellow doggers. I peed in the laundry room in front of the back door. I knew it was wrong when I did it but what’s a Snorkie to do? I was about to explode. I had done my “dogful” best to communicate my need to Mom and Dad, but they completely misinterpreted my cries of urgency.

I put it to you fellow doggers. Was this my fault?

To be fair, mom was not mad at me in the morning. I think she was mad at Dad because he did not let me out before coming to bed that evening. Mom went to bed early – around 9PM and Dad didn’t come until much later. Very gently, she suggested that the last person to bed should make certain that a certain Snorkie has had a late night potty run. I couldn’t agree more.

However, the deeper problem is our Human-Snorkie Communication failure.

It worries me fellow doggers. How do I educate my mom on the various nuances of our doggy lingo?

How will she learn that snuffle whine, whine means “Dear Mater and/or Pater, please let me outside. There’s a possum that I need to behead with my teeth.”

And that snuffle, whine, whine, yip means, “My back teeth are floating. Kindly, allow me outside to urinate, please. “

It’s a dilemma.

I urge all scientists out there to come up with a solution.

Clearly, technology can solve this grave problem.

(Can’t we have an “App” for this?)

So,

Dear Brilliant Scientists,

Please Solve the Snorkie-Human communication gap.

The floor you save may be your own.

Peace Out,

Opie, The Misunderstood Snorkie

A Snorkie’s Thanksgiving Day Poem

By Opie, Snorkie Laureate of the house

The scents of autumn fill the air,

My nose is twitching for my share

Of delicious things that Mama makes-

Savory meats, veggies, tasty cakes.

It is that special time of year

When doggies all should stay quite near

When Mama or Daddy calls you close

Even if it is to give a dose

Of medicine for an itchy spot,

Or brush out the hairs that made a knot

Because after”Good Boy” will soon follow

Lovely things dogs love to swallow.

But I digress about the food

It puts me in such a mood

To recount the things for which I’m grateful.

So here we go … I have a plateful.

I give thanks for my family dear

Without whom I’d be prone to tear

And Sad, lonely — hungry too.

Thank you all for my rescue.

I am thankful also for all those folks

Who tire themselves trying to coax

Others to give deep and well

So other fur friend sadness they can quell,

And all the doggies and cats and things

Can find joy of home that parents bring

To loving pets who nuzzle and lick.

(Yes, I’m grateful as well, that I’m not sick.)

So, good home, good health and love are what I’m grateful for

And if I’d more time, I’d write some more,

But Happy Thanksgiving my Fur Friends.

Go eat some Turkey! This is the end!

Happy Thanksgiving!

 

 

Just say NO to HOME IMPROVEMENTS!

A Snorkie’s Rant!

Hi Fellow Doggers,

I have a bone to pick with my family! I don’t know what happened, but suddenly they’ve decided to embark on all these “home improvements.”

I know, you’re thinking, “Home improvements? What’s wrong with that?”

Well, keep reading and I’ll tell you.

Every one of these home improvements has led to some discomfort for me. AND I DON’T LIKE DISCOMFORT OF ANY SORT!

Let’s take home improvement #1 – The new roof

Back in September, my mom and dad decided that we needed a new roof on the house. Personally, I thought it was neat to find little pieces of wood shingles in the grass after a mild wind storm. More sticks for me to bury.

Mom figured that I might object to guys tramping around on the roof, tearing it off, hammering and climbing on ladders.

She thought I might not take well to that. So, off I went to the kennel.

If you’ve read any of my previous blog posts, you know that that was not a good thing for me.

My Bordadella shot didn’t work as well as it should have and I caught “Kennel Cough.” That was such a drag!

I had this nagging cough and I didn’t feel so hot. The up side was that I did have a lot of “Magic Cheese” for about 14 days. I also was “unenrolled” from my Obedience classes due to my contagious state.

I was really looking forward to getting my diploma.

I also picked up a rather itchy rash. Mom doesn’t think I got it at the kennel, but I’m pushing for a complete moratorium on doggy day cares so I’ll swear on a stack of “Dog Whisperers” that I caught it there. The rash necessitated another 14 days of “Magic Cheese”.

As you can see fellow doggers, if Mom and Dad had not fixed the roof, I would not have gone to doggy day care and ergo would not have contracted Kennel Cough! This in and of itself is sufficient evidence that home improvement is bad news for this Snorkie.

But there is more evidence to support my contention!

Home Improvement #2 – Painting the House

With the new roof it seemed only natural for mom and Dad to want to paint the house. Now personally, I thought the house was a becoming shade of “beigeish,” pinkish, grayish color. (Mom is reminding me that I’m color blind and should stop complaining.)

Well, fellow doggers, I thought that I had dodged the proverbial doggy day care bullet because I had such a short bout of wellness after my kennel cough. Remember after my kennel cough I got sick AGAIN. I had some mysterious stomach upset. I had hoped that Mom would have taken my illness into account and postponed the painting of the house, but no.

She muttered some folderol about getting the house painted by Thanksgiving. Anyway, there I was recuperating from the last bout of illness and here come these guys. They were scraping at the walls, the windows, sanding.

Worst of all, I was not allowed outside to bite them, and fellow doggers, they needed biting – especially the guy who was scraping paint off the front window – MY WINDOW!

Now I know you are as outraged as I am about the assault on MY WINDOW! However, this home improvement was even more horrific.

Just because I was running from room to room, barking my head off, scratching the shutters, trying to jump out the back door – generally showing those TRESPASSING PAINTERS WHO IS BOSS – I got….

CRATED!!!

Now you must understand, I know how to “go to crate” Mama trained me with duck sticks and other tasty treats to go there whenever she says to go. (Crate Training Blog Posts.)But guys, she hardly ever tells me to go to crate! I can stay at home alone uncrated. I use my crate primarily as a goodie stash! I don’t stay inside very long. I might have a nap in there if the boys are playing a loud video game but generally, I don’t hang out there.

I prefer a nice soft lap.

Mama moved my crate AWAY from MY Window and pulled it in the middle of the room behind the chair and covered up the side that faced the window with my doggy blanket. Occasionally, she let me out when the painters were working on other side of the house, but when they were on MY SIDE OF THE HOUSE. I got CRATED!!!

Do you now see why home improvements are NOT
a friend to dogs? I couldn’t care less that the house is now a deep golden color or that the old paint peeled double hung windows are now all crisp and white!

I’M COLOR BLIND!

Home improvement is not my friend and certainly not a friend to any dog that I can think of!

So let’s sum up.

Home improvements caused me to contract kennel cough, a rash and be crated IN MY OWN HOUSE!!!

I appeal to you fellow doggers

Tell your Mamas and Daddys to eschew Home Improvement!

Be content with your dilapidated roof, your ugly house color, your squeaky floor boards, your leaky bathtubs!

Keep doggies in the house!

Keep workmen OUT!!!

If that doesn’t work, point out that vet bills totally blow!

This has been another Snorkie rant!

Peace Out!

Opie

TRESPASSER!!!!!!!!

 

Fellow Doggers,

At 2AM this morning, my back yard was BREACHED by a TRESPASSER!!

Of course, I raised the alarm. Allowed my fury to fly free in the face of this OUTRAGE!

But…

I was not allowed outside to teach this TRESPASSER A LESSON!

Join me fellow doggers and sign my petition (in your comments) to stamp out the

OPPOSSUM MENACE!!!

They are worse than the squirrels, fellow doggers.

They sneak into your yard in the dead of night to do who knows what. They trip the security lights. You bark your warnings to them. They tramp all over YOUR TERRITORY. WALK ON YOUR GRASS! CRAWL THROUGH YOUR BUSHES! SO…You try “dogfully” to get outside and do your duty toward your territory and you know what happens….

YOU GET THE SQUIRT BOTTLE!

 

Join me fellow doggers!

SAY NO TO THE OPPOSSUM!

THEY MUST GO!!!

STAMP OUT THIS OVERSIZED RAT TAILED CRITTER!

It is for the good of all

THEY ARE NOT CUTE!!!!!

 

Peace out!

Opie

I’ve been sick…. :( But now I’m all better!

Or Keep your Paws Crossed!

Hi All,

Both Mama and I have been under the weather. (Although, honestly, I’ve been sicker than Mama.) It all started with the roof!

Mama and Daddy had the roof re-done and I had to go to the doggy day care so I wouldn’t bark myself silly at all those strange guys on our roof hammering and making noise.

I went there just for the day for 4 days and one day extra when the roofers took an unscheduled holiday without telling Mama.

Now, you know I’ve got all my shots, but here’s something I’ll bet you didn’t know.

That Bordatella shot – which is supposed to be good for Kennel Cough – doesn’t always work.

Yes, you guessed it. I got kennel cough. And because of that I couldn’t do my obedience classes — Something about me being contagious.

I was fine with that. I had a irritating cough, but I also got a lot of magic cheese too (Note from Mama – antibiotic in stuffed into a piece of cheese!)

One other thing though – Mama caught me scooting just before she took me to the vet, and it seemed like I had caught something else too.

The vet said I had Giardia. Mama blames herself for that. She forgot my special water bowl when we went to the dog park the week before, and I drank out of the community bowl – the one everyone pees in. Oopsie! (Note to self – don’t drink out of pee bowl at dog park ever again!)

Anyway, the worst part of the Giardia thing me was the Vet’s examination. Let’s just say I feel for those alien abductees. Being probed is NOT fun!

The up side of all this was that I had to eat all of my food because Mama had sprinkled some magic powder on it to get rid of my pesky parasites. To make certain that I ate every bite, she broiled me some hamburgers mixed it in with my kibble. Boy Howdy… delicious. I licked the bowl clean!

I finished all my magic cheese and magic powder and for 2 weeks I was seemingly illness free.

Unfortunately, Mama wasn’t doing so hot. She was running back and forth to the doctor and getting referrals and lots of bottles and pills and things for herself.

I could tell she was stressed out. I sat with her while she read all those pharmacy drug interaction pages and did a little freaking out. It felt good to be such a comfort to her.

Then last Sunday, before Halloween, I don’t know what happened.

Something made my tummy feel funny. I started throwing up EVERYWHERE and yes, I threw up in Mama’s bed. I threw up about 5 times on one day. I felt rotten but I thought maybe it was out of my system whatever it was. Sure enough on Monday I felt lots better.

I even got to put on a Halloween costume.

I’m a dinosaur.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

I know it might look like the dinosaur is eating me, but I assure you I am the one wearing the costume.

 

However, on Tuesday, I don’t know what happened again. I barfed again in Mama’s bed in the morning. This time Mama called the vet and got me a vet appointment. This was hard because Mama had doctor’s appointments too. In fact, Mama’s appointment took so long that Daddy had to take me to the vet that afternoon. Mama showed up later and Dad ran off to pick up my hubrother from football practice. I should mention that I hadn’t eaten anything all day long. Even though, there was food for me.

The vet thought I had a blockage in my intestines caused by a foreign body– Mama looked at me and said, “Opie, what did you eat?”

“I didn’t eat anything I shouldn’t have – I swear on my doggy honor. ” I responded. (I may have had my paws crossed on this one. What Mama doesn’t know won’t hurt her. )

Then the doctor took me for an x-ray. I didn’t like it. I had to have a muzzle and the vet technician is a bearded guy and I don’t like bearded guys at all. I growled at him. Of course, I wasn’t feeling so hot either.

They couldn’t see everything on the x-ray so Mama had to bring me back the next day. But before I left for the day, they gave me some medicine and a funny shot that made my back all puffy. Mama says they gave me fluid and some anti gas medicine so that the gas that was blocking their view of my duodenum would dissipate.

I wasn’t allowed to eat anything all day or before x-ray. The next day Mama had to leave me at the vet for most of the day so they could do their tests on me.

The Vet gave me some nasty Barium stuff to drink. She shoved it in my mouth with a syringe – nasty, nasty!

Then after a few hours they took more x-rays.

I had to wait around a long time between x-rays so they could see what was going on inside me.

Turns out I DIDN’T have a blockage.

They decided that I had gastroenteritis – that’s fancy talk for tummy ache or inflammation of the stomach.     

I was so glad when Mama came to get me. She made me a special dinner that ALMOST made all those vet outrages worth it.

Boiled chicken and rice! Oh My Dog – it’s so yummy you wouldn’t believe it. The only problem is she gives me tiny little amounts, but I get them about 4 times a day! I can’t wait until the next one. I’m licking my bowl clean every time. I also get a special rice chicken ball near the end of the day. (½ tablet of Pepcid AC or Acid Controller ( Famotidine 10 mg) – yes the same stuff we all take for heartburn)

I am feeling much better now.

Mama’s feeling better too and has taken me on some nice long walks lately.

Mama says I’m not allowed to get sick again and that I’ve used up my quota of vet visits.

Okay, Mama – I’ll be good! ( or I will try my best – Snorkie’s Honor!)

Well fellow doggers let’s keep our paws crossed!

Barks and Licks,

Your Pal Opie

 

Note from Mama:

Total vet cost of Opie’s barfing and belly ache.

$700 + over 2 days

(Not including previous Kennel Cough and Giardia incident)

I will be researching doggy health insurance in the very, very near future!